In another Life

In an alternate universe,
There are many things I might do differently
and I say in a different universe
because if I did things differently here, I might
change how things are now.
and I don't think I'd want to change.
But in an alternate universe.

I'd ask for help more throughout my life
but mostly I'd ask for help and tried to stay
in that first apartment.

I'd try harder as I was growing up
to learn to keep things neat
because it is harder to learn how
to keep it neat as I grow older.

I'd save my money starting my freshman year of high school.

I would play paintball as much as possible
and play as much as possible.

I would tell him that
I was sorry and that I want to be friends
even if we weren't meant to be one true loves.
I would tell several people that, actually.

I would refuse to kiss that guy for his first kiss.
I would flirt a lot more
and I would go running all the time
and I would brush my teeth twice a day, every day
and not ever skip.

I would stick to choir, even though I was pregnant
just so I could have something to do that was away and
that kept up my music.

I would have used protection
and not been ashamed.

I would continue going to therapy,
even if it is expensive.

I would take my meds more regularly.

I would have worked harder at school.

But now I work to change myself in the now, rather than the later.