My Serenity Prayer

“Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don’t care, I’m still free
You can’t take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain’t comin’ back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can’t take the sky from me
There’s no place I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can’t take the sky from me…”

"Some men aren't meant to be boring

They are meant to be great."

~Scandal

Words to take to heart.

Because you have to start somewhere.

A List of Alphabetical Advice

This is from this website. It is a fantastic website and I encourage everyone to go visit. I love it and it is extremely inspiring.

So, a list of alphabetical advice.
I don't know how pertinent this will be for everyone's' life, but it is advice that either has been, or should have been used during my life. 

Hooray writing excercises! 

A- ask for help.
B- be kind whenever you can. 
C- Consent is a huge deal in sex. Asking is not bad. Saying no isn't bad. Research. Scarleteen is a great resource. What they teach in middle and high school is not valid sex education. 
D-  Don't be ashamed of your taste. It is okay to like things, even things that seem silly or simple, without irony. 
E- Every one has some good in them. Every one. This doesn't mean that every one is good. Far from it. But rather, that everyone has SOME good traits. Just don't overlook the bad ones while trying to notice the good ones.
F- fall in love sometimes. Good things do happen.
G- give books, don't lend. Book Karma is fantastic.
H- have fun. Actively make a choice to. 
I- I am sorry. Learn it, use it. Be sincere.
J- jokes can be hurtful. If you are making them at the expense of a person (rape jokes, racist jokes, GLBT jokes etc), they can be and are extremely painful and mean to others. Learn history, learn current events, know that these things are NOT of the past. They are current events. This shit is happening, right now. Don't be the fucking problem. Be the solution.
K- Keep your cool. 
L- Learn how credit cards work BEFORE getting one.  Actually, any kind of learning about financial stuff is extremely important. Before high school ends.
M- metamorphose. change.
N- negotiations. Find a book about this. You will need it when you are a teenager, with your parents, all the way to jobs and spouses. Compromise is a big word. So is LISTENING.
O- occupy yourself. Saying "I'M BORED!" is annoying for everyone.
P- Play with your kids. really. It is fun.
Q- quit when you get tired. seriously. It stops injuries and burnout.
R- read. anything and everything. fill your brain.
S-saying no is NOT bad. It is okay and disappointing people, even yourself, even your parents, is not world ending. ever
T- Tolerance is NOT a virtue. True acceptance and love is. How would you like to be simply tolerated? Think about it.
U-use your brain. please.
V-vows. Keep your promises. If you can't, don't make them. Please.
W- Write daily. Even if it is just a little bit a day, you will never get better unless you practice.
X- x-out body hatred. Love your body, in all its incarnations. Fat, skinny, curvy, whatever. 
Y- your body is yours. Live, love and modify accordingly. I guess my advice would be to ask "is this truly loving my body?" before modifying.
Z- I cannot think of a damn z one. Be zen? What




This was harder than I expected. More advice would be

Talk on the phone. 
Don't text and drive.
Watch good shows. Joss Whedon anything and Battlestar Galactica are good places to start.
Don't drink too much of anything.
Be kind. 
Chamomile tea fixes everything.
Sharks aren't anybody's friend.
Ride a bike. Go for walks. Hug a dog. Or a cat, but be careful.
Laugh.
Therapy is for everyone. 



This was fun and tiring.

Confessions, pt 1

"Oh my God
I am heartily sorry
for having offended thee......"

Just so you know
I haven't magically decided
that all aspects of Catholicism is
mine again, however that has
been in my head all day so perhaps I
shall confess my sins unto Blogspot
Perhaps in hope that someone will
read them and absolve me of all my sins.
Who the hell knows.

I confess
I used to watch Buffy and
Angel and Firefly while I
was supposed to be studying in
school. While Joss Whedon was
a good teacher in how to behave during
high school
 (don't drop your stake in school,
if it turns into a giant snake you should kill it,
 sometimes when you sleep with him, he turns evil,
sometimes they leave, but they come back for prom,
don't build sex robots,
Being evil isn't a forever thing,
Sometimes people die,
Love is like cookie dough,'
Ah, the pitter pat of tiny feet in huge combat boots )
I think I might've done better in that world.

I confess
Bisexual is a word
which is an adjective
meaning sexually attracted to both
men and women
and all through high school I believed
that this was a mythical sexuality
you were either gay or straight
which retrospectively was kind of a silly
view, seeing as I was attracted to both men and women
all through that time, inasmuch as there
are men and women in high school
which for the most part, we were not.
And inasmuch as I was attracted to people
which isn't much, as far as bodies go
for the most part, I just like personalities.
People can be pretty, or ugly, or gorgeous or plain
but a personality can radiate more than any
perfect eyes or flawless lips ever could
and I could tell you much more about the people
that I've wanted
then describing them physically.
I'm not perfect about this
but for the most part
if you are my friend
that is when the attraction comes.

I confess
that I don't know how
many times I've fallen in love
I still love so many people
but I have fallen in and out of love
since I was fourteen and now I am
twenty one
and the list just seem to long
and too painful
and the large hunks of my heart
 that once felt ripped out
are now merely specks and mean
nearly nothing
but memories of love and pain
and so I confess to loving too many
and too much
and forgetting too quickly.

I confess
to the love of the human body
I at times worship at the altar
of smooth skin and hard hands
of large eyes and perfect hair
and I confess, that even though
I don't like my body as a whole
being naked makes it feel so much better.
and I confess that I'd rather see someone
naked than in a Armani suit
or a Chanel dress.

I confess
that sometimes I get so frustrated
that I yell at my children
but in the next 30 seconds
I can turn it around and they
can make me smile.

I confess
that I have not been able to
eat a hot dog since elementary school.
and that I have to avoid Starbucks, because
I get addicted easily, but my favorite time to
get it is Fall, because of the salted caramel
and I love getting it Tuesday nights after singing
with my dad.
that I hate Pepsi
but love Mountain Dew
but love Coca cola products the best
that chocolate makes me depressed
but sometimes I sneak some anyway.
That potatoes and pasta are my comfort
food.

I confess
that when at some point we have a house
I will need half of the man cave. It will
be a woman cave. I need space and quiet
and a place to call my own too.
No special allowances for one spouse,
unless he doesn't want one, in which case
I'm up to take it!

I confess
that my interest in body modifications
isn't simply because I find it beautiful
and fascinating
but because I plan on modifying my body
many times in the future
because I am just now learning that it
is mine and what I do with it has nothing
to do with whether or not I am a good or bad
person.
Prepare yourself accordingly.

I confess
to believing for years that
Purity was important for your future spouse
that sex and marriage was only possible between
a male and a female
that being a lesbian was only for other people's
viewing pleasure
that being gay was bad
that my worth was only held between my legs
but I'm proud to say
that I've never worn a purity ring
and that I stopped believing in all that
years ago and it has been a far healthier
attitude. I still am ashamed that I can even
remember thinking this though.

Day 6- 30 Facts

Thirty Facts About Yours Truly

1. As an answer to a comment on Day 4, there are some aspects of Wicca as well as Judaism that I find interesting. I love the ritual of these particular religions, and the idea of a feminine God, as well as a masculine one. I love a religion that allows you to find the God in everything. It goes along with zero point energy and tesla and some incredible things. Namaste, which means "the God in me sees and honors the God in you." I'm trying to live that these days and it's hard but it helps me remember.

Or maybe it's just because I want to be her...

2. I love Taylor Swift. I love her music, I love her writing, I love that she seems like the nicest person in the whole wide world.

3. Joss Whedon. 'Nuff said.

4. I have an intense fear that once I become a nurse, I'll end up working under a doctor that I know. There are some I'd be okay with (Hi Whitney!) but there are some that would be SO bad. There are NO words. Great, Megan, decide to be a nurse and then have plenty of future doctors hate your guts. Fortunately, if I become a nurse within the next 4 years, I'll be well established wherever I'm working LONG before they become real doctors (not you, whitney!).

5. I love music. I hate sharing what kind I love, though, and that tends to make people crazy. If you hang around long enough, though, you may find out. I also love new types of music, so if you introduce someone to me and I like them, I tend to LOVE them.

Someone introduced this song to me my senior year and I love it SO MUCH. Both of these artists are people I NEVER would have tried on my own but because someone heard this song and thought of me, I checked them out and I love the artists now! :) I love sharing. Just not when I am the one sharing.

6. I write fiction. I'm working on transferring from fanfiction to fiction. I am not proud of my fanfiction, as the silliness of it embarrasses me and I'm pretty sure it's still floating around the internets somewhere, waiting for me to become famous and then it will pop out at me and scream something along the lines of "LOOK AT THE SHIT THIS GIRL WROTE!" And then I will curl up in a ball and die.

7. When I have a daughter, I have a name picked out.

Illyria. I love it. And Michaela. I'm just not sure which order.

8. The new apartment deal (which I'll write about later) is blowing my mind.

9. My twin boys are 6 months old! That just is crazy!

10. Hellkitten is my favorite nickname. It was given to me by a friend my sophomore year of high school. I don't know if he gave this name to anyone else, but it has a very special place in my heart because it characterizes me so perfectly and because this particular person gave it to me. I doubt he reads this, but in case he does, thank you so much for your love and friendship.

11. The group of 3 girls and I that are best friends made my high school experience great. I had a million things go wrong in high school, but the girl friends I got made it all worthwhile.

12. The name of my blog comes from the Gunslinger books by Stephen King. The entire quote is this :

"He taught me if you kill what you love, you're damned."
"I am damned already," Roland said calmly. "But perhaps even the damned may be saved."

13. I find Weeds to be the funniest show I've ever seen. I literally laugh out loud every time I see an episode. That's a rare thing in a TV show.

14. I found the perfect Caesar salad at Carinos. I am not even kidding. It is the most delicious salad I've ever had. The world is a better place with it.

15. This is the first year I've ever liked bagels. I'm still trying to figure out how I went for so long without them. They are epic and delicious and oh sweet Jeebus, WHY am I on a diet right now????

16. At this moment, the book I am enjoying most is a Neil Gaiman book by the name of American Gods. As someone who has spent years reading about mythology of all kinds, this book rings wonderfully and painfully true. I love the cautions of not to forget the old Gods to the new gods. It makes you think about what is the truth. But in a funny way. Neverwhere is also excellent!

17. I hate fighting. Sometimes I'm snarky and argumentative but when I'm really angry and truly arguing with someone, whether it's my parents or mike, I feel sick afterwards, like the adrenaline took all the strength I had in me. I also have been known to shake.

18. I love to sleep. The addiction started late pregnancy and now it's my favorite thing!

19. I hate bland colors of nail polish. If your nails are already pink, what is the point of painting them some ridiculous pink/tan washed out color? Why not be bold? I love red. And occasionally blue.

20. I love bagpipes and Scottish music. I love the haunting and the melancholy and I love the dancing music.

21. Glee and Grey's Anatomy are my weekly guilty pleasures. I'm not proud of them, they are like a sonic double cheeseburger, amazing and delicious, but horribly bad for you. Well, at least Glee is.

22. My first kiss (both of them) with my fiance was at a church. Yeah, I know, BAD slutty megan! Places I've had first kisses are garages, next to the front door of Elkins, stairways, in a garage, at Vacation Bible School and church. I'm so going to hell.

23. I love love love chocolate. Which sucks, because it makes me super depressed but Cadbury and Lindt are amazing and I can't bring myself to give it up.

24. I love coke. The brown stuff, poured over ice stuff. It is delicious and it can eat your liver. Much like me.

25. I need a job so badly, it is not even funny. I love my twins, but I need some adult conversations SOON. Dear Hooters....

26. Speaking of which, I've never been to a Hooters. Any takers? Must go on bucket list.

27. Looking at expensive things makes me cranky. Hence, I rarely go shopping. Things are so pretty but I rarely can have them, or buy them so I don't like tempting myself.

28. I'm thinking about tattoos currently. Much to Mike's horror. If I get one (big if, by the way, and when), it would probably span from under the side of my breast across my back to my lower hip. I'm still looking at different designs and whatnot. And deciding whether I want to or not.

29. I desperately love my kindle. Mike and my parents gave me one and it is WONDERFUL! I love having a light, accessible 173 books. I am slowly replenishing all the books I sold. Hello, Stephen King, I'll be supplying you with my money today!

30. I am getting married Saturday, October 13, 2012. This excites me like you wouldn't believe. Looking at how to plan a wedding looks hard, but honestly? I can't wait.