Happy new Year

Writing fiction is hard.
I have fleeting ideas as to what I want to say but
it won't come out the way I want it to!
I have used the kindle fire a great deal
in the last few days
and there are feathers floating on my bedroom wall
and the dreams they catch are dark.
I miss the purr of my cats as they sit on
my back
but the pain of missing them is alleviated
by the smiles of my children.
One of the best statements I've ever read
thank you Captain Awkward and Shakesville
No is a complete sentence
I try to always remember that when dealing
with people.

The holiday season is finally over
but the Christmas tree is still up
and I can still see the train run around the tree.
and the sound is vaguely comforting
I've heard it in every house I've ever been in
at various points in the year and I associate it
with my father
and it is a pleasant memory.
Post holiday fun means
playing with Christmas toys
and drinking sparkling grape juice out of
champagne flutes
I have the prettiest ones, I assure you.
And reading all the new books.
Finishing visiting extended family and
back to normal things like choir and movie nights.
Sharing my music with various people
Wait for my TV shows to come back on
watch violent and awkwardly sexual things
Thanks American Horror Story
for helping me address some truly dreadful topics
once a week.

Playing 'Party in the USA' just to annoy my husband
and spending time with my friends.
New jeans and sweaters and coats
and cigars because it is cold outside,
hopefully, at least, because I still haven't gotten to that,
which is quite tragic and will have to be remedied soon.
And eating the leftover food
and writers block
all over the damn place.

Post-Christmas Insanity

Merry late Christmas
again, I suppose
Kindles and books and music
and happy little boys running around
everywhere, with toy cars and new socks,
trying to knock over Christmas trees
and every one is drinking the egg nog.
Three separate Christmases and one more
this weekend.
Today will be the quietest New Years Eve you can imagine
just being with him is the most pleasant thing
I can think of,
because it is quiet and pleasant
and just what I need right now.
I went and saw Les Miserables.
I cried about 10 times.
It is just so lovely.
I went this weekend to see extended family.
I only cried once.
Ugh.
Christmas wins.
Freezing, frozen Christmas wins.
Fortunately, my children were a huge hit
and my parents bought me two winter coats
which will make going outside a great deal easier.
In completely unsurprising circumstances
he didn't talk to me hardly at all last night.
I could over analyze it, but mostly I just assume he was tired
from staying up all the nights I was gone until 3 in the morning.
Are my feelings hurt? A little, but nothing is terminal
and to be fair, as soon as I got home, I went to go spend
time with one of my best friends. Across town.
For hours.
Because of all of these factors
I feel both less and more stressed.
I've done badly this month
in my writing.
fuck.
Not enough.

I feel like I lose everything.

For instance, I lost my kindle when I moved.
 I know it is in a box somewhere,
 because I packed it..
I remember it.
But, we weren't moving any time soon,
 and I needed something to fill my incessant need to read,
 so I switched to my husbands' touch pad,
 as he wasn't using it all that much any way.
 I lost it two weeks ago between the living room
and the bedroom and
I still can't find it.
It is making me crazy.
It doesn't seem to bother my husband
which also is making me crazy, because
now I feel super guilty
but I am resolved to find it today
if I have to completely raze my room
to find the damn thing.