Good Morning

Good morning to the world
which has been pretty difficult today
and it is only the very beginning of the day.

I have a friend coming over
today. I have no idea what time she'll be here
or what we'll do, but hopefully she doesn't expect to much
because my house is not my house
and there is children's stuff everywhere.

I started a post last night that I'll probably
have to finish tonight or the night after, because it is one
of those things that only comes out when it is late
and I am tired or drunk or anything but staring into the bright
shining morning.

The idea of tomorrow is giving me a heart attack.
Between dentists and job interviews, I find myself
pretty terrified. This week has been too crazy and I can't see
the weekend being any better. There are over  600 books on my kindle
and I can't choose between them. So I read a few last night
and spent a few hours terrified out of my mind
because they were scary and it always takes me a good 12 hours
to get the horrors out of the front of my head.

They are gone, now, the ghosts and monsters of last night
they might be back but they probably won't
but just in case, I'll be careful when I drive at night.

In any case, until she gets here
if she gets here
(please get here)
I'll be listening to my music extra loud
and ignoring these dreadful feelings until something gets
resolved
and maybe pray
for the first time in a long time.

Monday Blues

I think this is the
first time
I've ever been in this house
by myself
either my in laws
or my husband
but ALWAYS
my kids are here. If they
aren't in the house,
I'm not in the house.
But I'm here
by myself
watching things like
666 Park Avenue
and
American Horror Story.
Stupidstupidstupid
and makes me jumpy
yeepers.

But I'm waiting for my
car to be returned to me.
Please call me soon, car people.
It makes me so nervous
letting people touch
or fix
or be around
my stuff.
I don't know why
Hopefully I get the house to myself
again next week
so I can get some stuff
done without sitting here
feeling helpless without a car.
Or freaked out because I don't
have my kids
I need a sedative
and a nap.
and my car.
argh