Oh today

" I confess to almighty God
 and to you, my brothers and sisters
that I have sinned through my own fault
in my thought and in my words
through what I have done
and what I have failed to do."

I confess
that the majority of the time
I do not know if I believe in God.
I believe that there is some higher power
but I doubt it is only limited to a
Christian belief.
But I sing in the choir at my church any way
because there is power in the
kyrie eleison
and because
there is no where else to cultivate
the music that lives
somewhere in me.

I confess
that I hate the way people look at me some
times.
Like I am a pretty head
on a fat body.
And I am, I am overweight
and I like to eat
and drink
and laugh loudly.

I confess
that feeling tipsy saturday night
felt so good
I laughed so loudly
and had trouble walking straight
even in flats
but it felt good
and made me forget
and
and
and

I confess that even if
I don't believe in the words of the Mass
I hear these words in my head
when I sleep
because 21 years hearing them once a week
will make them stuck.
and I don't think they are perfect
or good
or right
but I hear them anyway