You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you

I got this idea from an article on xojane, which was about vanity.
And how it is good to have some.
I prefer to call it self-love
but the idea is still the same.
I am really really fucking hard on myself
and I know lots and lots of people who are, as well.
So, in an effort to change that, or at least acknowledge
that there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo,
or at least in me,
here are some things I love about myself.

Starting with physically,
I have long legs. And good feet.
My nails grow quickly
and my eyebrows, no matter how much I pluck
them, always grow back thick.
The waxer says my brows are fantastic.
My eyes are green and I love that
but for the first 5 years of my life
I had the blue eyes of the firstborn male
of my family.
Uncanny.
My freckles can only be described
as cute.
And my hair is always, always thick
with a hint of red amidst the chestnut
when I cry, my eyes go emerald green
like a dragon.

I can read faster than anyone I know
and retain content to an extreme
I am old enough to to know about sex
but young enough to blush on occasion when I talk about it.
I speak my mind and I've learned to argue well, even
when my eyes are watering and my face is turning red.
I have a hot temper and I drive well
and I almost always have a retort for every single thing
a person could say to me.
I love red and black clothes and nail polish
and when I hear a song, I see dance.
I love my kids
and I can almost almost
drink something with alcohol in it without wincing
but I can smoke cigars and not feel sick.
I write obsessively and compulsively
and I stay up at all hours of the morning