This day needs to just full stop

"Forget all you know
just get up and go...
Don't want you to see
when pain overflows."
~Elizaveta, Meant



This day has barely begun and
already I can feel the desperation at the edges.
I am not me
just an angry desperate lonely cloud of
painful nervous energy and
I haven't the patience nor the sanity needed
to get through the day.

And I can kind of identify what I want
(what I need)
because I am screaming silently for
you to hear me
to notice me
to just do SOMETHING.
But instead you play Starcraft
and make me go to the rodeo.

So I meditated on ice for many minutes last night
and I felt my heart harden to stone.

I wish I could say this is the first time
or the last time.
But it is hardly either.