Positive Affirmations (?)

Quiet day today

full of minor tummy aches

which is nothing new, sadly

minor aches of the tummy 

alleviated by texts that remind me

that I am someone's friend, that I can
be good and kind and still have boundaries
that temporary loss of faith and outward insanity
does not mean that those who love me have stopped
loving me.

Do not tell me
that the my traumas are not important
that the difficulties of marriage equate the
my ages of 12 through 20
because it insults me
and makes you
seem
ridiculous.

I will not go to Mass
for Easter. I will not pretend that
I believe in the rules and destiny a Church
that has no love for my sex and sexuality and
no concept that its hypocrisy alienates more than it binds
and these are not my only problems with it.
And most certainly not the only valid problems with it.

I reject alienation
because I have friends
and loves, even if they are made of mostly past
and slightly present.
I believe that I am loved
that my friends hold my hand as I walk toward cliffs
to slow me down
and that in most cases
being kinder is better.

And I believe wholly in my
autonomy, that my body is my own and no one else's
that I choose the things I do to it and with it
and that my mind and body are capable
of great things, even in the midst of exceptional difficulty.
Whether I lose weight or stay the same,
if I continue to not have tattoos or
cover my body in ink
whether I make cookies or quinoa with my friends
whether I have more children or never again
it is my choice.

I accept that my fears
of sharks, various water-based beings
being rejected, public transit, large crowds,
clowns, and drowning may all be perceived as odd.
What
ever.

And I believe that even if these words
feel choppy and difficult
tomorrow
or even tonight
may be better.

A Post That Technically Took Three Days...... geez

I just took an Ambien.  Sweet, sweet sleep soon, hopefully. Or I would now, if my husband would get off the freaking Star Wars game. Grrrr....
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Good morning....I passed out about two minutes after writing that last night. Today has been kind of pleasant. Some one threw away my leftovers which I was planning on eating this morning and that was extremely annoying but I'm over it now, kind of. My kids are being ridiculously snarky, but I'm not sure if it is just me or they are really being snarky. I'm feeling kind of off so I've mostly been reading Firefly fanfiction and wondering why my elbow hurts so damn much. Owie!

The children do make me smile, though. As does my husband. And books. I've still been reading voraciously, although I'm stuck between multiple books (for example, I'm reading Waiter Rant, Anansi Boys, Good Omens, Anyone can Cook, Lasher and some Jack Ketchum books. And some fanfiction ). As you might imagine, it can get hard to cram everything into my brain so much and I get very annoyed when I am interrupted. Which is almost constantly, by nearly everyone I know.

Let's see....

6 Songs I listen to the Most
1. 8th of November by Big and Rich
2.Somebody that I Used to Know by Gotye
3.Summertime by Michelle Branch
4. Dancin' Away with My Heart by Lady Antebellum
5.Satellite by Anna Nalick
6. Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift.

How Do I Vent My Anger?

Well, it honestly depends on who. With my parents, mostly I bottle it up and then rant at my husband. If it is with my husband, I rant at my husband. When it is my kids, I put them in a safe place and then go to my room and breathe deeply and try not to scream loudly. When it is anyone else, I can either rant at them or let it go and rant later. At my husband. Who is deeply patient with me about this stuff.

I have a weird obsession with cookbooks. They need to have pictures, though, I like to see what I'm making. I prefer to know what the end result will look like and I get annoyed when I have to look on the internet for an after picture.

What is the weirdest thing (s) I have in my room?
Well, I had a large collection of forks up until yesterday. I have a Solitary Witch practicioner book, as well as an Anatomy for Students. I also have a giant jar of coins and a black panther statue. Although the sheer number of books I own is pretty ridiculous. Also, cigars. Good ones.

My least favorite food, drink, color.
I hate guacamole, anything with Gin and orange. Dear god, what a horrible color.

I don't have a favorite book. It is way too hard to pick one. I read continuously and I love many books. It really doesn't matter what type, I love everything.

I sang at church today. It was fantastic, and the preaching was quick, which was good. I'm desperately tired after all the stuff today. I also ate lunch with my family, which was fun and delicious. I find the dynamics rather interesting these days, but I think I'll address that  in a different post.

'Til next time, fellow kittens,
Hellkitten