Painful Eyes

To remember on days where
things hurt too damn much
and the drugs are wrong
or they don't worth and
the anxiety ramps up because
no money and scary doctors.

There are good things.

I get kisses all day every day.
the hope of future pets.
friends I can call and laugh with.
Red sheets and blankets.
watching iron man.
Hot tea.
sex.
introducing Sherlock to a new person.
jimmy johns and the hilarity that goes with it.
Eating soup with friends.
cigar with your brother.
the feeling of reality correcting itself.
my kindle and all of the books
kitchen dance parties.
text from last night
good stories
finding out you have a million things in common with someone you are just getting to know.
tumblr funnies
good quotes
fresh water
a good backrub
ambien
howling out songs
hearing someone say i love you
lying on the ground talking to my friends

Painful memories tonight

Because I hate everything and

everyone. Which is another way

of saying how isolated I feel currently.

I remember sitting

on a couch after someone left

multiple times for days

because the couch still smelled like

him after he left. It lasted for months

and kept me together

like glue.

I remember the coach hitting on me

And trying to figure out

Are you a student?

Is this allowed?

What?

I remember that he used to complain to me

About my lack of communication skills

Which retrospectively feels hilarious

Because I never. Stop. Talking.

Really.

I remember him sleeping with someone

The same day we broke up

And how I know this?

Because the next day I called him

To try and get back together

That was a weird feeling.

I remember wanting someone so badly

It hurt when I couldn’t have them

But theoretically, I could have.

I still to this day

Have no idea

Why I said no

Finally

If I just got tired

Or if I never truly believed in us to begin with.

Sweet misery

Yelp is my new favorite site. There are some truly hilarious reviews on restaurants and everything else on this site. Why was I not told about this site sooner?

People are hilarious. Why do you waste your time writing terrible reviews? Also, if you misspell every other word, I highly suspect your intentions are simply to annoy readers like me, rather than to actually help people find good restaurants. It is a fantastic place to bitch about all your terrible experiences and reading them is just plain funny.

Small things about me

I'm a horribly messy person. Psychologically, I know it is still just me getting back at my parents but I just can't make it stop. I'm working on it though.

8 things about my body

1. My hair color is dark brown, but I've been adding red to it for the last 6 months. I feel so lovely and glamorous with these colors. I may have a love/hate relationship with my body, but my hair makes me feel so beautiful.
2. I love having painted nails. I hate subtle colors, I'd rather have deep red or black on my nails.
3. My body currently hates sea food. It is intolerant, not allergic, but it is killing me because sea food is my very favorite of all the foods.
4. My skin has stretch marks from being pregnant with twins. Lots of them. Mostly they just have an odd texture, but they don't bother me, except for the ones on my upper arms.
5. I love my ears.
6. After being pregnant, my feet hate high heels.
7. Besides stretch marks, I have almost no scars.
8. Rather than self mutilate by cutting, my issues tend to manifest by me biting my lips continuously or scratching my head until I bleed. Incidentally, this can make bathing or washing my hair or eating extremely painful. I've never actually told a professional about these habits. I should probably work on that.


3 facts about my personality

1. I am an introvert. I draw my power from being by myself. I love people and parties and what have you but I am so tired by the end that I generally need time to recharge.
2. I don't deal well with bullshit. I tend to react strongly when I feel people are screwing with me. I can be extremely temperamental.
3. Now that I've said that, though, it has to be said that I will put up with any crazy from my family. My boundaries are terrible when it comes to relations, but I'm working on it.

5 Weird things that I like.

Okay, to clarify, liking anything is weird.

1. Horror anything. Books, movies, video games, art etc. I get so fucking terrified of everything, but I love it anyway.
2. Pita Chips. New York Style. OH MY GAWSH. My favorite snack EVER.
3. Tumblr. I love tumblr. I'm addicted. It is so sad. But I love it. It makes me snort so much.....my computer screen needs to be cleaned....
4. Star wars online game. The reason this is weird is that the movies annoy me SO MUCH. But the game is awesome, I like that I can be bad AND good and LIGHTSABERS! YAY!
5. Feminist websites. This is weird because I was raised a super conservative Catholic Christian. But I love these sites. Feministing, Feministe and Shakesville are my favorite. I check them every day. They are wonderful and fantastic.
and finally a weird one 6. Porn. Let me clarify, there is a shitload of porn I find problematic. And by shitload, I mean nearly all of it. However, I love reading well written erotica (Random literotica stuff, for the win) and I've seen about 10 actual videos that I'm okay with. So there ya go.


I am deeply terrified of spiders, clowns and whales.

My favorite thing to do is a toss up between reading, sex and spending time with my husband.

I don't have a gender preference when it comes to sexual partners. I do prefer to be in a relationship before I do things of a sexual nature

I love being married. There have been some extremely difficult parts and I have no doubt that there are more to come. I've only been married for a year however I've been in a relationship with my person since 2009. We've had more than our fair share of difficulties.

I can see myself going to jail for a multitude of reasons. I assume they would be for self defense.

The curse word I use the most is fuck.

Talk to you guys later.

Love
Hellkitten