I had a migraine yesterday
it made the world feel so hostile
it was insane.
Noises became painful
and light was the enemy.

Fortunately, sleep and water and
medication prevailed
and relative sanity has been restored
to my body and my brain.

Not that there was a whole hell
of a lot to begin with. It is nice to have
all the parts functioning well.

We now have a WiiU. I'm glad he
likes it, because I have so much trouble learning
new gaming systems. Grrr. But I'm happy if he's happy.
Thankfully, he isn't hard to please.

It has gotten cold in the last few days. I
am enjoying it a ridiculous amount. I still haven't smoked my cigar
but I will. Someday!

Today is today
it has been long
and difficult
and I need both a drink and
a break.

or a cigar.
A cigar would be nice.
It is near cold enough
for one.
I have at least three I could smoke
plus an entire box that is his
but that he'll share
thankfully.

sometimes I am reminded of
how i fell in love with him
and why,
and how he dances with me
and what that does to me
and how he makes me smile
the way we work and play together
and how mutually frustrated we are
And how he listens to the things I love
even the teeny weeny leather bikini loves
and the dragon earring loves
and the WATCH BATTLESTAR WITH ME loves
these things are important to me
and so he makes them important to him.

I am so thankful for ibueprofen
makes the headaches slow down
all the tightness loosens.

Wreck it Ralph

Just had a fantastic date.
Saw Wreck-it Ralph with my favorite person
and it was cold outside
and we held hands and
ate good food
and got coffee afterwards
and I felt all warm and fuzzy like
I rarely do
and it was wonderful and pleasant.

The quote from the movie that I liked best was
the Bad Guy 'Serenity' prayer of sorts
"I am bad and that's good. I will never be good
and that's not bad. There is no one I would
rather be than me."
Fantastic writing and lovely animations
lots of laughs and a few awww moments
which I liked. Very clever.
Jane Lynch, as usual, outshone everyone and
her best line was
"It looks like Doomsday and Armageddon just had a baby. And it is ugly." She
was by far the funniest, smartest, baddest ass character.
Definitely want her hair, attitude and just general awesomeness.

Wintertime reminds me of falling in love.
The cold reminds me that there were times
when I wanted to hold his hand
that walking around with her made the darkness
feel romantic and not scary.
There were leather jackets whose pockets I
snuck my hands in
and times when I went to Starbucks and had
tons of coffee.
And walking around Town Square with them.
In the cold I fall in love.
And in this cold I fall in love with him
all over again.
And it feels good.

Autumn/winter

Remembrance of fall and winter to me is
Salted caramel
and peppermint.
Wintergreen taste and smells
like new love.
Warm coats and
holding hands for warmth.
Wearing tights and boots
laughing as my breath
turns to smoke.
Missing the smell of chlorine
but driving with the windows down.
Remembering old loves
mixed with new loves
walking around with friends
getting coffee and loving the
heat of it.
The feeling of warmth inside your
clothes
as the cold tries to seep in
Keeping my hair down
trying to keep my neck warm.
Michelle branch always in my cd player.
Making cookies
and wrapping presents.
Smoking cigars with sweet smelling
smoke
Hoping that family stays happy
this year
but knowing my friends will stay the
same.

annoying, annoy, annoyed

Some days
I watch Gossip Girl
and I can't always tell
if Upper East Siders make
me feel worse, because I can't
afford their clothes or their problems
or better, because who would want that
kind of laundry bill
or those kind of problems.
Who the fuck knows.

I haven't felt inspired if
a few days.
It is deeply depressing.
I feel deeply depressed.
I feel like there is a huge mess
everywhere.
My car is fucked up and it is definitely
going to be a few hundred dollars, at the very least
and I don't really have that at all.
But it is going to have to happen
so I will have my inspection
so I can re-register my car
so I can go to court and get my
non moving violation ticket paid
or waived
or whatever it is people do with those.
I am so fucked.

So who knows where all my inspiration
has gone
maybe it needs to be washed in my laundry
or given away to goodwill
because it has been very difficult finding
it
or maybe I need to go for a walk
which would be a lot easier
if the autumn weather would stick
around for longer than a day at a time.
but it gets hot all the time
I wish it were colder
even though I hate the cold.
it would be easier to go outside
and maybe clear my head
it has been a long '
difficult
week.

And it won't be over
metaphorically or literally
for a long while,
fuck.

things I don't say

I wish I could say
what is going on through
my head all day
my thoughts are terrible
a lot of the time
I am angry
or cold
or hot
or annoyed
or tired
all of these are not good
per se
but not bad either
just on the darker end
of my spectrum.

I like to read
dark and horrible things
more than I like to read
 the light and funny
of my youth
it just isn't fun any more
I prefer my darkness
with spatterings of light
but mostly darkness
my ability to watch dark things
however
has limits.
who knew
but the dark movies
still terrify me
I know some pictures
will never come out of my head
so I stay away
to stay safe
what is in my head
is scarier anyway.

my arms are my enemy
they have gotten better
and after having children
the skin feels all
odd
maybe it is still leftover
from the allergic reaction
i had
to demerol
ouch
and yuck

spongebob makes me
feel so crazy
dora the explorer
and diego
and team umi zumi
GET OFF MY TV
 you are driving me
up a wall
and down the other side
quality tv includes
quality voices

sometimes
hellkitten speaks in
third person
which seems silly
but she gets the point
and it makes her feel pretty good
and funny
so there you go


and then a date
with my husband
we can't agree on anything
the movie
or where to eat
WHY EVEN BOTHER
Why not just stay home and
watch battlestar galactica
if i can't make a suggestion
and we can't agree on anything
and I don't even want to
put on a bra.

so frustrated