"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

Monday, March 24, 2014


"I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
the better part of me."
Five for Fighting

I remember
how the carpet felt
how rough and dark it was
and how your shirt felt, stretchy shiny material
and it never occurred to me that I'd never have moments like those
with you ever again.
If you read this
and you will,
you always do
(there's that arrogance you always had)
you would say
wow that sounds way dirtier than it was
and it does.

I hate letting anyone look at the music I listen to.
I'm told that I'm supposed to share
that it's a good way to connect
what kind of music do you listen to?
go to answer is always
I listen to everything.
Non specified music lover
I can sing soprano and alto parts
the alto parts are easier on my voice
but 8 years of soprano training is hard to wear away
I can read music and harmonize by ear
Good harmony makes me so very happy
I should tell people that
the music I like must include decent harmonies
these are the qualification
preferably with good stories
I like anything that has bagpipes, provided they aren't terrible
and I love Irish songs
that's a hard statement to quantify
I like to dance
but I can hear a beat in nearly every song
so nothing is particularly dance music to me
my car has crazy bass for a ridiculous tiny little car
but I always always have the music loud in there
it makes my thoughts less angry as I drive
and that's generally a good thing.

blahblahblah new post to go to  because I've run out of thoughts on this one

Friday, March 14, 2014

Trust Exercises

Did everyone do trust exercises
at some point?

There was one weekend that I couldn't
NOT go on that they did them
but I didn't trust anyone at the camp
and in an odd turn of events
nearly every adult understood the irony of
trying to force a trust exercise. So I never did it.

And that's the story of why
I don't trust anyone enough
to fall backwards into their arms
out of a tree.
not even at confirmation camp
not even if god himself or herself
told me to let go and fall back.

And two whole days of talking incessantly
about my supposed faith
and singing at the top of my lungs at a place
who rarely remembered my name
and sleeping badly
did nothing to improve my faith or my trust.
Mostly what it did was make it all the more painful
when a little while later
the people I thought were my friends
decided that we weren't any more.

There are lots of days
where all I can think is that there was never enough
trust to leap out of a tree
or off the swings
or into the water
and that is why I like to read
I can throw myself into the book
and know that I can come up for air
I can trust that no one will try to drown me.