"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


I have my own place now
and it is lovely
and empty currently
and I am so

incandescently happy

to have it to be there
to love it there

I can't wait to see
the possibilities and the things
that I'll be able to do.

Monday, September 16, 2013


While waiting to see
if I have a new home
I am...overly verbal. I can
talk for hours and hours
only to come down quickly and be silent
for the rest of the day.
I don't like ups and downs.
They make my stomach deeply unsettled
so I'm waiting
not so quietly right now
to hear that I have acquired the things
I hold so dearly
my privacy
and a room
and a room for my children
a place I can have my friends over
and cabinet space.
room for my books
and my kindle
and my life.
please please

Monday, September 9, 2013


"I do recall now the smell of the rain
fresh off the pavement...
The beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt
I can still feel your arms
and now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes
all that I know is I don't know
how to be something you miss."

"Hope it is nice where you are."

It was nice
and odd hearing from you today
I always feel so odd
hostile and kind
like I miss you
and I hate you
and I always wonder how long it will be
until I see you again
wish you'd talk to me more
How do you feel about Pacific Rim?
Do you still think of me in the morning?
Our random catch-ups make me wonder
how you are.

Whether or not I see you
I'll miss you.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

(Insert title here)

I on occasion
mourn for the chance to meet new people
and while I live and hope and all that
I find that making a good impression and keeping one
is particularly difficult in making true friends.

With that in mind mostly I just miss
the warmth of seeing friends on a daily basis
but the friends I've retained past that
are a thousand times more than they were
on a daily basis.

I don't know how to adequately explain
how I feel.

oh dearest ones
or one
whoever likes to send me
what I hesitate to call hate on tumblr
because even though it is painful
it is hardly hateful
it is just kind of silly
but it isn't spiteful enough to be hate
just annoying

but anyway
dear one
i am so sorry that my presence causes you
such disturbance and I wonder
do you bookmark my site
or do you just know the name by heart?

I bet if we talked we could find something in common
a mutual need for water or music we both like
or the annoyances of humidity and the effects on hair
Did you know I'm allergic to apples
that my favorite outfit always includes a pair of jeans
no matter what it is
my favorite drink is currently
margaritas of pretty much any flavor
I just love how the lime tastes
I haven't had my nails done in nearly a year
but I just got a haircut last week and having
this little hair feels beyond odd
clusterfuck and circle jerk are some of my favorite words
and how driving across town
even with simple instructions
makes me terrified.
but letting other people drive me places
makes me beyond crazy and there are very few
exceptions to this rule.
I hate that I have to take so many pills
even if they are prescribed
and I wish you the best
even if you hate me.