"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

New Home

New home.

New place.

Hard to adjust.


I smile more.

I laugh more.

Arguing is better.

It's a complete mess

But we have been so blessed, even with the tons and TONS of crap that's here because of three people moving in.

More later, I promise.

But first, long letter to a friend, if I have the time tonight. And then the blog. Because friends first, obviously.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Favorite movies.

So, back to that stupid thirty day challenge, which I'm writing about, not in any particular order or anything, but just kind of lackadaisically (I cannot believe that is a real effing word) writing about.

So, my favorite movie.

I think I have three.


V for Vendetta

The Crow

I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to discuss all three of these so here goes.

To start with, though, I'd like to say that I like all of these somewhat equally. There are obviously different qualities that I like about each of them, HOWEVER, each holds a very large place in my heart for various reasons.

I'm going to start with Serenity.

I wasn't around when the Serenity Firefly craze hit. My guess would be at that point, I was busy hating myself in middle school. However, upon watching this movie with my dad around, I discovered a vast and profound love for space cowboys. There's a large place in my heart for this show and this movie. Honestly, I love this whole show, this whole idea so much that I can only describe my various loves for it in words. Jayne. Canton. Mal. Inara. River. Book. Kaylee. Simon.
In any case, I deeply love this show, the characters and the ship. Also, Nathan Fillion. I'll be loving this show and movie until the day I die and I'll never stop sharing it with people.

Creepy fangirl moment aside though, I present you with favorite movie numero dos.

This movie blows. My. mind. Every time I watch it, I find something new in it. I cry, I laugh. Mostly I cry, but the intense detail shown, especially in the dialogue is just wonderful. I love the message, I love how pretty it is, but I really just love V. Who is Evey. I loved all the nuances. I love the epic pain and epic love and how to me, it is about patriotism in an individual way.

I don't even have the words, but it is wonderous, wonderful and painful. These posts are killing me. I gotta start doing better.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Meh, birthdays.

Watching Tin Man (re-imagining of The Wizard of Oz) and loving it, even in the first five minutes of it. Zooey Deschanel is pretty amazing. If I were in this world, this version of Oz, I'd probably be the Wicked Witch/Evil Sorceress. I'm not made of warm fuzzies, but I'd definitely be a better ruler than most evil overlords.

I would adhere to the rules, of course, found here . Enjoy!

I am also having vague Lady Gaga music obsessions.

I promise, more writings, later. But having people out of town and trying to balance everything by myself is quite tiring so it may not be until next week.

I semi celebrated my birthday on Monday. It was kind of cruddy, hopefully the next time will be better. I hate being ungrateful, but some things just suck.

I am 20 though, now. Wow.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Early Mother's Day Post

I am going wedding dress shopping tomorrow with my mom. Words cannot even express how excited I am, especially for the sushi afterward.

I was talking to my mom in the car on the way home from the root canal about my wedding and the conclusion I came to was interesting so I thought I'd share it with you.

Anyway, we were just talking about how stressed out I was about the wedding and which parts I was stressed out about. (And from now on this is going to be in present tense and generified because I don't want to be all he said, she said.) The idea of having a wedding in three months does stress me out, but the general overall conclusion is that I've had twins! I carried them for 8 months, I had a c- section and I recovered. And now I have a full time job taking care of two babies. And that shit stresses me out like crazy! So...I guess a wedding isn't the most stressful thing I've ever had to deal with. if stuff messes up, I'll deal. I am not Kate Middleton, nor do I have any desire to be.

Right now, the kindest thing my mom has ever done for me (and she has done a lot of kind things) is right after the biggest fight I can ever remember us having, was going and pulling out her old wedding dresses. I couldn't believe it. We had had a terrible day and she called me to her room, telling me, "You aren't in trouble." My jaw dropped, because I was having such a hard time getting past everything that happened that day and she just took my hand and we got past it.

I love you mom. Happy mother's day.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Hate, Mercy and Weddings----the crazy that lives in my mind

I've been reading posts over at Four Times The Fun and on reading the comments about another blog (not linking up, you can find it over there, under lunatic watch), I have concluded there are some very scary people in this world.

"The same principle applies to charitable acts of kindness, which I'm guessing is the value that parents are trying to instill when they teach their children to "share". What they are really teaching them is Communism" <------this is from the actual blog. WHAT THE EFF?

Also, apparently there are whole christian movements who think that women should have as many children as possible (Quiverfull Movement) and submit wholly to their husbands(as in literal kitchen and bedroom only, don't vote and homeschool the kids) and still others who think that daughters should not be college educated. IVF is evil, homos are evil, divorce is always wrong.

I find these beliefs deeply disturbing. I am a 19 year old parent of twins. I do NOT always agree with my fiance or my father and it doesn't make me evil or bad (just irritating). I don't always wear the most modest clothes but I'm not sexually promiscuous, I never have been. I think that divorce is a necessary evil and I think there are definitely circumstances that make it okay. I also think that while getting to know your partner is an integral part of getting married, I also think that people can hide the bad parts of themselves really well and I also believe that people change and not always for the better.

I think that our God is a merciful God and that His love and mercy covers depths that we cannot even describe or understand. "Forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do". Forgiveness goes beyond repentance. Love goes beyond sin. So when I hear that someone is going to hell, or that their in hell, I understand the sentiment, but we don't know how far a loving God's mercy extends. And I'm greatful for that. So, I'll do my best not to condemn anyone with my words and instead, maybe, show mercy that my Father shows me.

I went to college, I fully plan on going back. I can't wait to go back to school and work, but I also fully plan on making sure my kids get a good education, are well fed, feel loved and disciplined. I plan on playing with them as much as I can, and teaching them what I can and what I know and have learned over my years.

I plan on continuing to be a good mommy but also to continue being Megan as much as I can. I think that's one of the hardest parts of my life right now, trying to be me in the midst of organizing and being mom and planning and trying to be what everyone wants me to be. That mixed with all the various traumas I've either been put through or have put myself through are making me a little wacky and making it harder to find the megan through the various other jobs and personas. I also feel the happiest I've ever been these days. I want to get married. I have all these ambitions and I'm dying to get started and I feel like the road is beckoning me the further I walk upon it. I can't wait.