Letters to Y'all

Dear ones,

I don’t even know your names yet. Forgive me for not always addressing this letter as a plural; it’s still hard to think of y’all as a twosome even though I’ve seen y’all in the pictures. It’s not so hard to believe I’m pregnant these days, because I’m sick all the time and my body is changing in a bunch of different ways, and I’m even more hormonal, which according to some people is darn near impossible to be. However, I’m sure you’ll see it all at some point, if your daddy and I decide to have more children. Be afraid, be very afraid!
In any case, I’m writing to you because I’m sure at some point you’ll want to know how I was feeling at 13-14 months. Well, you probably won’t care, but I will. And I want to remember how I felt, the good and the bad. And the scary, ‘cause there’s some of that. It’s April 2010. Currently, my cat (which is actually the family cat) likes to sit on my stomach and purr, which makes your dad mad. He has called it stepping on the children and appears to take great offense at it. I personally think he knows you are in there and is saying hello and expressing his love for you! Since apparently EVERYONE is going to want to touch my stomach when it gets bigger, why can’t I let the animal, who I actually like, touch my stomach? Riddle me that!
We have a baby four month old Rottweiler who thinks she’s the queen of the house. She’s very sweet and friendly, and we (meaning my brother, my mom, my dad and me) are trying very hard to train her before y’all get here. I’m eighteen (young, huh?) and it’s pretty scary being pregnant, but I’m blessed with a supportive family and supportive boyfriend (y’all’s daddy) and his family. I laugh a lot and I get really angry a lot but I rarely cry these days, which is frustrating, because there are a lot of times where I think I should just sit down and cry. It would get rid of a lot of pent up aggression and whatnot. I’ve never done drugs and I don’t like alcohol. I love all music, except your dad’s favorite thing to listen to, which is a strange parody band that should probably be wiped off the face of the earth. But I’m not biased. AT ALL. Personally, I like country, alternative rock and hip-hop. And the musical music. Some indie, which is a genre that doesn’t quite make sense to me. Anything I can dance to gets a pass, as well. I like classical if I’m playing it on the piano or guitar. But I was raised on country, including some of the more ridiculously good and I will do my best to help you love my music as well as cultivate an interest in what you like. You’d be amazed at some of the crap people listen to these days, though.
I lose everything. I try to love everyone, even the people that I dislike for no apparent reason. I like silver and don’t like gold. I love driving with the windows down and the music cranked up. I love candy, especially nerds. I love to read and I love the whole “vampire” concept, even though you will be WAY too young for a really long time and probably the whole thing will be out of style by the time you are old enough to understand. I wasn’t very popular in high school, but I had a close group of girl friends, who will be your “aunties” or whatever the hell they want to be called. I promise to try as hard as I can not to embarrass you. I apologize in advance for the hairiness (points at your dad). I apologize in advance for overanalyzing everything, which I am bound to do, if I become a therapist.

I love you both, with all my heart. As terrified as I am of being a mom, I also can’t wait for you to get here!
Until I write next, (tomorrow)
I love you
Your Mom

Good glord....

So….I’ve discovered that Lindt chocolate is the best chocolate on the face of the planet. Really. I just had a hazelnut flavored milk chocolate carrot (it was a shape, not a vegetable) and GOOD GOD, it was amazing. There is now a solid milk chocolate bunny frozen in my freezer and it is so very hard not to devour it. However, chocolate has this amazing effect on me in that it is a depressant. Yea, I know, I hate my life too. But, if I eat it with something, the effects are somewhat less harsh.

After adopting a four month old Rottweiler, my life has somewhat departed from the normal realms of sanity. Not that a 19 year old having twins is in any way SANE but let’s all take a second and remember my cat. Who hates the dog. Sort of. In a “Stop chasing me, you crazy bitch” way. My puppys name is Grace and she is ridiculously large and playful. And inside the house, which leads to all sorts of shenanigans. And not graceful ones. She is very sweet though, and that makes up for all the crazies. The cute and the fun factor is high. Especially when she starts licking my ankles. By the size of her paws, she is going to be humongous! And I can’t wait. Has anyone read that book Good Dog Carl? If not, go acquire it. It is a sweet picture book that everyone needs to read.

You know the critic from Ratatoille? I think I should be him when I grow up. Angry and scary and skinny and a food lover. If I can’t cook, I’ll critique and piss people off. It sounds like an entertaining job. MWAHAHAHA. That guy sounds JUST like Frollo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Sexy voice, creepy ass man. By that I mean Frollo.

Boyd: We're pimps and killers, but in a philanthropic way.

Echo: You think we're gods?
Alpha: We're not just humans anymore. We're not multiple personalities. We're many personalities. Uh... one of my personalities happens to be a multiple personality, but that doesn't make me a multiple personality. I'm looking for a little nuance here.
Echo: We're not gods.
Alpha: Fine, Übermensch. Nietzsche predicted our rise. Perfected. Objective. Something new.
Echo: Right. New, superior people. With a little German thrown in. What could possibly go wrong?



My new favorite show is Kitchen Nightmares. I think it’s just disturbing enough for me not to go completely insane. Gordon Ramsay’s smart mouth makes me very happy and I like watching the transformations. Some are easier than others, but in the end, so far, they all work out. This satisfies my intense need for a happy ending. Plus, Gordon Ramsay is hot. And apparently forty. God, this is like my Viggo Mortenson crush all over again.

Sigh

My body is changing and this disturbs me greatly. My tummy hasn’t gotten humongous or anything, it’s simply that whenever I look down, things look different. Radically, to me, in any case. I doubt very much that anyone who doesn’t know me exceptionally well should be able to tell.

It is somewhat scary though. The biggest changes my body has gone through are horrific growing pains in elementary school and my boobs popping out freshman year. Both of those were painful and horrifying in my young mind, so I’m having a hard time keeping a positive state of mind at this point. Positivity has never been my strong suite in any case. Maybe for other people but not for me. Hooray for sweats!

My list of things to worry about gets longer and longer and longer. I know I’ll probably be living in my current house for at least the next two years and don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy that its even an option, but it’s still a long and frusterating roud. One that I chose, but difficult nevertheless.