Things that Make me Happy

In living
with my own family
in my own place
means that I can eat what I want
and cook when I want
which I enjoy
and I figure out how much to spend on groceries
and when can I afford a cat
and I don't disturb anyone with my actions
and the only people who can disturb me are the ones
I choose to let disturb me.
I have my bookshelf by my bed
arranged in an indecipherable order
and I'm picking out art for the apartment.
I have a blue couch I picked out
that reclines, but is longer than I am
so I can sleep on it and it is beautiful and comfortable
and I have a garden tub, and I can take baths.
I can be me here.

Home

I have my own place now
and it is lovely
and empty currently
and I am so

incandescently happy

to have it to be there
to love it there


I can't wait to see
the possibilities and the things
that I'll be able to do.

Happy Birthday, Love.

Hi you
So it was your birthday a few days ago
and I feel like the worst person ever
because I didn't get you anything.
Even though I gave you fifty dollars
and you said that was okay
I feel like it isn't.
And you won't tell me what you want
for Christmas
and it is upsetting me
because even if I don't have money
I want you to be happy.

And that is what it comes down to
More than anything in my life,
I want you to be happy.
More than my own life.
And you piss me off sometimes
and you break little bits of my heart
in ways that I never thought possible,
but that is the truth of it.

We are best friends and
I've had many of those and
I know that means pain to some degree
because you know me well enough to hurt me
but also well enough to love me
more than anyone.

You love me when I'm sweaty
and when I'm gone the majority of the day
and when I steal your socks
and your 3DS
and when I don't want to play
with you.
And when I'm angry at the kids
or you
and you make me smile
and sometimes you stand outside the shower
and talk to me while I wash my hair.
And deal with my weird questions
and my constant music
and for a long time
 you dealt with my various hostilities
with extreme finesse considering who I
Was being difficult with.

You are my perfect mix of man
and child.
We play together and work together
and I enjoy that.
Try not to be so hostile
and I'll do my best not to
as well.

I love you
and Happy Birthday.

What is Happiness.

What is happiness to me?

It is hearing the rain fall and the thunder roll so loudly, it drowns out my thoughts.

It is the quiet time after a big crowd.

It is a sleep, where I wake up smiling.

It is seeing my babies smile, stretch, and laugh.

It is listening to Taylor Swift or Lady Antebellum.

It is reading my latest Warhammer 40,000 book, which is strangely funny. Weird, right? Caiphas Cain, you are too weird for words.

It is reading The Walking Dead. Oh zombie apocalypse, you make my life joyful and wonderous. Even with horrific spoilers in the first. fucking. book. damn it damn it damn it.

It is watching Charmed. Almost as excellent as Buffy. Almost.

It is reading a A+ certification textbook and realizing that I know most of it.

It is wearing a snuggie.

It is being with friends that you miss everyday.

It is taking a nap with my person.

It is holding hands with the man of my dreams.

It is finding the best pair of leather high heeled shoes for $45.

It is watching David Bowie in Labrynth.

It is Repo! The Genetic Opera.

It is loving someone else more than I could ever imagine.

It is a pair of jeans that fit perfectly.

It is OPI nail polish.

It is warm shells and cold steel.

It is knowing who is going to be with you forever.

It is roses.

It is love.