Trust Exercises

Did everyone do trust exercises
at some point?

There was one weekend that I couldn't
NOT go on that they did them
but I didn't trust anyone at the camp
and in an odd turn of events
nearly every adult understood the irony of
trying to force a trust exercise. So I never did it.

And that's the story of why
I don't trust anyone enough
to fall backwards into their arms
out of a tree.
not even at confirmation camp
not even if god himself or herself
told me to let go and fall back.

And two whole days of talking incessantly
about my supposed faith
and singing at the top of my lungs at a place
who rarely remembered my name
and sleeping badly
did nothing to improve my faith or my trust.
Mostly what it did was make it all the more painful
when a little while later
the people I thought were my friends
decided that we weren't any more.

There are lots of days
where all I can think is that there was never enough
trust to leap out of a tree
or off the swings
or into the water
and that is why I like to read
I can throw myself into the book
and know that I can come up for air
I can trust that no one will try to drown me.