There is a Castle on a Cloud

I am building
my house
right now.

Even though I do not
own one yet
even though I am
borrowing and renting
from someone else
on someone's charity
and love
I am building my house
right now

Figuring out
what I want
to have and to do
with my time and love
and space.

There will be lots of
tea in my house
and music, ever present
and pervasive because why
the fuck not.
Hellboy and Dr. Who and Buffy and Firefly decorations and
probably a Legend of Zelda shield
hanging somewhere
and it will probably be
messy, because there are children
and I am not a neat person at heart
but there will be a clean sink
and one or two cats roaming the house
and books and a kindle scattered hither
thither and yonder.

In my house
a good sense of humor
is appreciated but not required
and the wine glasses will hold more
sparkling grape juice then wine,
probably,
and no matter how big or small or medium
it is
there's always room on the couch
if someone needs help
or just a place to sleep for the night.

Public school over private school
and teaching my children to be kind and funny
and creative and
always letting them know that they are loved
no matter what
and having a chalkboard wall
or two.
Because the kids may need to draw on the walls
and so will I.

Love over beauty
in my house.

My room is cleaner
the clothes are hanging in the closet and
most of the trash is gone. Thankfully,
most of this was done this weekend and I'm doing
my best to enjoy the clean and to keep it
where it is or better.
A lot of this weekend was spent cleaning
and it makes me super happy

except even with a clean room
the day dragged on and I'm tired
and I can't get a nap
so I feel depressed and tired
but at the same time, I 'm looking at the
future and it looks significantly brighter with
 a cleaner room. Not perfect
still needs a few hours work
but the future looks brighter
and I'm significantly less angry than I am
most days.

Day 9- Welcome to the Future

Day 9- What I hope my future will be like.

Well obviously I hope it’s a pleasant one. I hope that I continue to be friends with the same tight knit group of girls I currently am with now. I hope that my wedding is wonderful and happy and full of fun, friends and music. I hope that I’ll stop having such depressing feelings and start feeling normal again. I hope to work at a good job in a hospital and to go through nursing school fairly quickly.

And I hope to forget parts of the last 5 years. To stop feeling regret and sadness and live for the moment.

I love you

Dear Love,

Happy 24th birthday! You are almost an antique! I promise I’m not trying to be ridiculously weird by bringing this up again, and I also promise not to say this on your 25th birthday, upon which you will actually become an antique. Really. 

So, this is the third birthday I’ve spent with you. And once again, I’m amazingly thankful that your birthday falls right next to Christmas, so I can be horribly confused as to what to get you only once-ish a year. Guys are hard to shop for and you are not the exception to that rule, much to my despair.

I get all tongue tied when I try to talk or write about how I feel about you, or about us. But here goes.

My favorite memories are built around you. My future is brighter because I see you in it. You hold my hand when I get angry or sad. You love me past all my insecurities and problems. I always want you on my side, especially during a zombie apocalypse. You make me smile even when I don’t want to. You are my best friend in everything. I love that we fight one minute and you can have me smiling 20 seconds later. You catch me when I fall down. You run behind me and keep me going (although I’m not entirely convinced your motivation for running behind me is totally pure and innocent). I love spending my time with you and I would all day if I could.  I miss you when you aren’t here. You are a great daddy, Michael and that is a wonderful thing.

I find it amazing that I’m with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with right now. How many people are that lucky? I can’t wait to marry you and live with you and grow old with you. You are my favorite person and I love you now and I’ll love you forever.

Happy birthday Michael.

Love,
Megan

Ps. Please don’t ever ask for a pony, because I’m not sure I could handle that.













I hid under your porch because I love you.

I found the one whom my soul loves.

~Song of Solomon 3:4
This is my beloved and this is my friend.

~Song of Solomon 5:16
…You alone are the sources of my grief,
you alone can grant the grace of consolation.
You alone have the power to make me sad,
to make me happy or to console me…
I never wanted anything in you
but you alone,
nothing of what you have
but you yourself,
~Heloise, in her letter to Peter Abelard