This is so I
don't forget

I took a nap today
and at one point I woke up
and my son was in bed with me
to my right
but what woke me up
was the sound of heavy breathing
to my left

and I realized what it meant
in the longest half seconds of
my life

The breathing came from
the wrong side of the bed

and I could hear it
but my eyes were shut
and it was like my body
went insane
I couldn't open my eyes
and my skin felt like I'd gotten into
an ice bath.
and my left arm hurts now.

Long days
but probably not
pleasant nights

My room is cleaner
the clothes are hanging in the closet and
most of the trash is gone. Thankfully,
most of this was done this weekend and I'm doing
my best to enjoy the clean and to keep it
where it is or better.
A lot of this weekend was spent cleaning
and it makes me super happy

except even with a clean room
the day dragged on and I'm tired
and I can't get a nap
so I feel depressed and tired
but at the same time, I 'm looking at the
future and it looks significantly brighter with
 a cleaner room. Not perfect
still needs a few hours work
but the future looks brighter
and I'm significantly less angry than I am
most days.