Calling out Winter

The Light by The Album Leaf
(instrumental)


I don't know what's worse
in the heat of the moment
my jaw unhinged
or was it the buzz
but I told a half truth
and now I know which is worse

the us that was
is probably just you and me
(separate)
now
and
I know that you
don't know me anymore.

So perhaps some love lost
pause
rewind
erase
tape over
forget
the giant hole in my stomach.

Desire of an awkward nature

While I was there

I saw him

and a sudden longing hit me

and there it was

the wanting of someone 

you couldn't have

it hovers there now 

trying to make me go down roads

my mind and heart don't want to

So I do what I always do

be hostile to the people

I've wanted

Being nice has never 

been easy when all I'm doing

is thinking of fucking your brains out

and so I gave him the finger

while he followed me around my car

and then he surprised me

before I drove away,

he came up and 

said, you should smile more.

Entitled, pretentious ass.

Who are you to tell me to smile?

Why should I be positive

when all I'm thinking about is pulling you

into some dark corner?
So I called him an ass
and he asked
do you really think that?
And I said, maybe not
maybe you just annoy me.

My body betrayed me today

and left my tummy feeling all odd

I can't tell if you are being an ass

or if you want me

or if you have some odd fetish for trying to 

control women

and make them smile.

I can't tell your intentions

but your rough hands and

the way we bat words around

makes me want you

flat stomach

and scruffy face

and you are caught in my mind

at least the way I felt for the next two

hours is.

It was a tough call

whether I wanted to punch you

or pull you to me.

But I can't.

This is embarrassing

and I don't like it

I've restrained

and trained myself to not feel sexual

except in certain situations

and stupid body,

now you go and do this.

argh.

go away

Late Father's Day part 1

Dear new father,

It’s the second day after Father’s day and I still find myself in the awkward position of having no words for this Father’s day post/letter/blog thing. I’m not appreciating the writer’s block at all, because normally these things come quickly and naturally to me. I’ve been writing to the people I’ve loved for years and years. Why is it so hard to with you? I honestly don’t know. I get all tongue-tied, as far as writing to you goes and that’s just ridiculous, because as you know, I never ever have problems talking to you face to face. Ever.

So…what to say? I’m glad I know you. I’m glad I’ve never killed you, even when I’ve had the overwhelming urge to. I think it’s a little awkward that the only reason I first met you was because I was hitting on your friend, but it makes a funny story. Not really cute, but funny. You make me smile, even when I’m pissed as hell at you. You make me think and discover new things about myself, even when I resist with ALL my strength. You continue to try to expose me to horrific music that I have absolutely no interest in and you put up with my music with minimal complaints. You try to make me have a clean room. You can out-logic me at any point during the day (a fact that makes me crazy) but you still know when to keep your mouth shut.

Your friends described you as the most honorable. In this day and age, that’s a rare description, and quite honestly, it’s the first thing that convinced me I liked you. Besides the facial hair. You show me what real forgiveness looks like. You’ve only made me cry a lot. You dance with me. You keep my freaking out over almost everything to a minimal level. I really do like that you make me try new things, even when I’m resisting. You listen when I talk even when I don’t want you to. You make me talk about the hard stuff, the embarrassing stuff and the stuff that makes me want to curl up in a little ball and die. And surprisingly, I am getting better at it. Sort of.

I suppose, to be continued,

Megan