Desire of an awkward nature

While I was there

I saw him

and a sudden longing hit me

and there it was

the wanting of someone 

you couldn't have

it hovers there now 

trying to make me go down roads

my mind and heart don't want to

So I do what I always do

be hostile to the people

I've wanted

Being nice has never 

been easy when all I'm doing

is thinking of fucking your brains out

and so I gave him the finger

while he followed me around my car

and then he surprised me

before I drove away,

he came up and 

said, you should smile more.

Entitled, pretentious ass.

Who are you to tell me to smile?

Why should I be positive

when all I'm thinking about is pulling you

into some dark corner?
So I called him an ass
and he asked
do you really think that?
And I said, maybe not
maybe you just annoy me.

My body betrayed me today

and left my tummy feeling all odd

I can't tell if you are being an ass

or if you want me

or if you have some odd fetish for trying to 

control women

and make them smile.

I can't tell your intentions

but your rough hands and

the way we bat words around

makes me want you

flat stomach

and scruffy face

and you are caught in my mind

at least the way I felt for the next two

hours is.

It was a tough call

whether I wanted to punch you

or pull you to me.

But I can't.

This is embarrassing

and I don't like it

I've restrained

and trained myself to not feel sexual

except in certain situations

and stupid body,

now you go and do this.

argh.

go away

Sweet misery

Yelp is my new favorite site. There are some truly hilarious reviews on restaurants and everything else on this site. Why was I not told about this site sooner?

People are hilarious. Why do you waste your time writing terrible reviews? Also, if you misspell every other word, I highly suspect your intentions are simply to annoy readers like me, rather than to actually help people find good restaurants. It is a fantastic place to bitch about all your terrible experiences and reading them is just plain funny.

Small things about me

I'm a horribly messy person. Psychologically, I know it is still just me getting back at my parents but I just can't make it stop. I'm working on it though.

8 things about my body

1. My hair color is dark brown, but I've been adding red to it for the last 6 months. I feel so lovely and glamorous with these colors. I may have a love/hate relationship with my body, but my hair makes me feel so beautiful.
2. I love having painted nails. I hate subtle colors, I'd rather have deep red or black on my nails.
3. My body currently hates sea food. It is intolerant, not allergic, but it is killing me because sea food is my very favorite of all the foods.
4. My skin has stretch marks from being pregnant with twins. Lots of them. Mostly they just have an odd texture, but they don't bother me, except for the ones on my upper arms.
5. I love my ears.
6. After being pregnant, my feet hate high heels.
7. Besides stretch marks, I have almost no scars.
8. Rather than self mutilate by cutting, my issues tend to manifest by me biting my lips continuously or scratching my head until I bleed. Incidentally, this can make bathing or washing my hair or eating extremely painful. I've never actually told a professional about these habits. I should probably work on that.


3 facts about my personality

1. I am an introvert. I draw my power from being by myself. I love people and parties and what have you but I am so tired by the end that I generally need time to recharge.
2. I don't deal well with bullshit. I tend to react strongly when I feel people are screwing with me. I can be extremely temperamental.
3. Now that I've said that, though, it has to be said that I will put up with any crazy from my family. My boundaries are terrible when it comes to relations, but I'm working on it.

5 Weird things that I like.

Okay, to clarify, liking anything is weird.

1. Horror anything. Books, movies, video games, art etc. I get so fucking terrified of everything, but I love it anyway.
2. Pita Chips. New York Style. OH MY GAWSH. My favorite snack EVER.
3. Tumblr. I love tumblr. I'm addicted. It is so sad. But I love it. It makes me snort so much.....my computer screen needs to be cleaned....
4. Star wars online game. The reason this is weird is that the movies annoy me SO MUCH. But the game is awesome, I like that I can be bad AND good and LIGHTSABERS! YAY!
5. Feminist websites. This is weird because I was raised a super conservative Catholic Christian. But I love these sites. Feministing, Feministe and Shakesville are my favorite. I check them every day. They are wonderful and fantastic.
and finally a weird one 6. Porn. Let me clarify, there is a shitload of porn I find problematic. And by shitload, I mean nearly all of it. However, I love reading well written erotica (Random literotica stuff, for the win) and I've seen about 10 actual videos that I'm okay with. So there ya go.


I am deeply terrified of spiders, clowns and whales.

My favorite thing to do is a toss up between reading, sex and spending time with my husband.

I don't have a gender preference when it comes to sexual partners. I do prefer to be in a relationship before I do things of a sexual nature

I love being married. There have been some extremely difficult parts and I have no doubt that there are more to come. I've only been married for a year however I've been in a relationship with my person since 2009. We've had more than our fair share of difficulties.

I can see myself going to jail for a multitude of reasons. I assume they would be for self defense.

The curse word I use the most is fuck.

Talk to you guys later.

Love
Hellkitten