150th Post

In honor of this being my 150th post, which is crazy, I'm going to write something that will probably make me lose sleep for a while. I'll be writing about my top fears and what I believe is the underlying causes and whatnots of them. I struggle with them still these days.

So to start off,
what inspired me to write about this was a recent movie I saw called Sinister. I have the ability to push back most thing that scare me but this movie in particular has been really REALLY chapping my ass. In any case, it definitely brought some of my more primeval fears to the surface.

To begin with, a striking white face with dark deep set eyes is
always a terrifying sight for me. Since the main villain fits this exact description,
I had a horrible time watching the movie without screaming every two seconds
and hiding my face the whole time. Oh, yeah. Super brave.

In line with this, I find water to be fascinating and terrifying at the same time. I love how water feels, I'm very comfortable being under the water for long periods of time, however I have limits. I love pools and most clear bodies of water. I feel very very uncomfortable around dark or murky bodies of water. I've had two near drowning experience, both of which made me very afraid to be in a pool with other people. It takes a lot of trust for me to feel okay being near to anyone while in a pool. I can generally keep my cool around pools, at least outwardly. But walking by a lake makes me feel shaky and afraid.

In relation to this, I am deathly afraid of sharks and whales. There are exceptions, which are pretty weird, as I love killer whales but am afraid of blue whales. I think all this results from the damn Monstro Blue Whale Thing from Pinnochio when I was little. Horrifying and horrified. I hate things with dark eyes and big pointy teeth and wide open mouths. I'm writing this during the day so I don't have to freak out the rest of the night.

I am afraid of clowns. This has been real since I was around three. I have always known what the Pennywise Tim Curry clown looks like, but I only saw the movie this year. I screamed a lot until he turned into a spider. I loved the book. It is fantastic but I am terrified whenever I read it.

Darkness is frightening to me but I find that I am able to walk around in it quite well. I have some anxiety but it isn't too bad.

150 posts. Now, onward to greater things!

Sweet misery

Yelp is my new favorite site. There are some truly hilarious reviews on restaurants and everything else on this site. Why was I not told about this site sooner?

People are hilarious. Why do you waste your time writing terrible reviews? Also, if you misspell every other word, I highly suspect your intentions are simply to annoy readers like me, rather than to actually help people find good restaurants. It is a fantastic place to bitch about all your terrible experiences and reading them is just plain funny.

Small things about me

I'm a horribly messy person. Psychologically, I know it is still just me getting back at my parents but I just can't make it stop. I'm working on it though.

8 things about my body

1. My hair color is dark brown, but I've been adding red to it for the last 6 months. I feel so lovely and glamorous with these colors. I may have a love/hate relationship with my body, but my hair makes me feel so beautiful.
2. I love having painted nails. I hate subtle colors, I'd rather have deep red or black on my nails.
3. My body currently hates sea food. It is intolerant, not allergic, but it is killing me because sea food is my very favorite of all the foods.
4. My skin has stretch marks from being pregnant with twins. Lots of them. Mostly they just have an odd texture, but they don't bother me, except for the ones on my upper arms.
5. I love my ears.
6. After being pregnant, my feet hate high heels.
7. Besides stretch marks, I have almost no scars.
8. Rather than self mutilate by cutting, my issues tend to manifest by me biting my lips continuously or scratching my head until I bleed. Incidentally, this can make bathing or washing my hair or eating extremely painful. I've never actually told a professional about these habits. I should probably work on that.


3 facts about my personality

1. I am an introvert. I draw my power from being by myself. I love people and parties and what have you but I am so tired by the end that I generally need time to recharge.
2. I don't deal well with bullshit. I tend to react strongly when I feel people are screwing with me. I can be extremely temperamental.
3. Now that I've said that, though, it has to be said that I will put up with any crazy from my family. My boundaries are terrible when it comes to relations, but I'm working on it.

5 Weird things that I like.

Okay, to clarify, liking anything is weird.

1. Horror anything. Books, movies, video games, art etc. I get so fucking terrified of everything, but I love it anyway.
2. Pita Chips. New York Style. OH MY GAWSH. My favorite snack EVER.
3. Tumblr. I love tumblr. I'm addicted. It is so sad. But I love it. It makes me snort so much.....my computer screen needs to be cleaned....
4. Star wars online game. The reason this is weird is that the movies annoy me SO MUCH. But the game is awesome, I like that I can be bad AND good and LIGHTSABERS! YAY!
5. Feminist websites. This is weird because I was raised a super conservative Catholic Christian. But I love these sites. Feministing, Feministe and Shakesville are my favorite. I check them every day. They are wonderful and fantastic.
and finally a weird one 6. Porn. Let me clarify, there is a shitload of porn I find problematic. And by shitload, I mean nearly all of it. However, I love reading well written erotica (Random literotica stuff, for the win) and I've seen about 10 actual videos that I'm okay with. So there ya go.


I am deeply terrified of spiders, clowns and whales.

My favorite thing to do is a toss up between reading, sex and spending time with my husband.

I don't have a gender preference when it comes to sexual partners. I do prefer to be in a relationship before I do things of a sexual nature

I love being married. There have been some extremely difficult parts and I have no doubt that there are more to come. I've only been married for a year however I've been in a relationship with my person since 2009. We've had more than our fair share of difficulties.

I can see myself going to jail for a multitude of reasons. I assume they would be for self defense.

The curse word I use the most is fuck.

Talk to you guys later.

Love
Hellkitten

Retrospective December Reverb

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.


I didn't regularly watch TV- follow shows or on DVDs until about 3 years ago. I didn't care about it and I'm fairly confident I could eliminate 90% of all TV from my life and feel no regret.

I don't like holidays. .

Fighting with my person breaks my heart every. Single. Time. Which sucks, so I put up an angry poofed out kitten front.

Oh, and you don't have to be my person, soulmate, love of my life etc., to break my heart. A lot of people can and do. A lot of people fix it too.

For my confirmation saint, I chose St. Adria. She was a martyr in Rome around 387 AD and her name means darkness. And that's about all you will ever find out about her.

I forgive quickly, but I remember and remember. So be careful.

The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King is my FAVORITE BOOK. EVER.

Since having children regular sleep has become my best friend and my biggest dream. Mostly unfulfilled. I have this funny feeling that when I do get married, my honeymoon will consist of sex, food and sleep. Only that. Who needs exotic locations when you can SLEEP!

My best girlfriends really showed me what having real friends are like. They pick you up when you fall down, they laugh about making bad choices without pressuring you to make them, they stare at David Bowie's crotch in Labrynth with you and they help you facebook stalk. We obsess over cute pictures of kittens with captions and we lend each other books and get all wacky over cute boys.

I hate clowns. They terrify the living shit out of me.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, my favorite movie/book combination is The Crow. It's beautiful and morbid and and sad. Brandon Lee died in the making of this movie. It's just one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen. It's, in a word, haunting.

What I do that lights people up?

I care. I love the unloveable. I make time for others, even when I don't have any. I love learning new thing from people.