Positive Affirmations (?)

Quiet day today

full of minor tummy aches

which is nothing new, sadly

minor aches of the tummy 

alleviated by texts that remind me

that I am someone's friend, that I can
be good and kind and still have boundaries
that temporary loss of faith and outward insanity
does not mean that those who love me have stopped
loving me.

Do not tell me
that the my traumas are not important
that the difficulties of marriage equate the
my ages of 12 through 20
because it insults me
and makes you
seem
ridiculous.

I will not go to Mass
for Easter. I will not pretend that
I believe in the rules and destiny a Church
that has no love for my sex and sexuality and
no concept that its hypocrisy alienates more than it binds
and these are not my only problems with it.
And most certainly not the only valid problems with it.

I reject alienation
because I have friends
and loves, even if they are made of mostly past
and slightly present.
I believe that I am loved
that my friends hold my hand as I walk toward cliffs
to slow me down
and that in most cases
being kinder is better.

And I believe wholly in my
autonomy, that my body is my own and no one else's
that I choose the things I do to it and with it
and that my mind and body are capable
of great things, even in the midst of exceptional difficulty.
Whether I lose weight or stay the same,
if I continue to not have tattoos or
cover my body in ink
whether I make cookies or quinoa with my friends
whether I have more children or never again
it is my choice.

I accept that my fears
of sharks, various water-based beings
being rejected, public transit, large crowds,
clowns, and drowning may all be perceived as odd.
What
ever.

And I believe that even if these words
feel choppy and difficult
tomorrow
or even tonight
may be better.

Sweet misery

Yelp is my new favorite site. There are some truly hilarious reviews on restaurants and everything else on this site. Why was I not told about this site sooner?

People are hilarious. Why do you waste your time writing terrible reviews? Also, if you misspell every other word, I highly suspect your intentions are simply to annoy readers like me, rather than to actually help people find good restaurants. It is a fantastic place to bitch about all your terrible experiences and reading them is just plain funny.

Small things about me

I'm a horribly messy person. Psychologically, I know it is still just me getting back at my parents but I just can't make it stop. I'm working on it though.

8 things about my body

1. My hair color is dark brown, but I've been adding red to it for the last 6 months. I feel so lovely and glamorous with these colors. I may have a love/hate relationship with my body, but my hair makes me feel so beautiful.
2. I love having painted nails. I hate subtle colors, I'd rather have deep red or black on my nails.
3. My body currently hates sea food. It is intolerant, not allergic, but it is killing me because sea food is my very favorite of all the foods.
4. My skin has stretch marks from being pregnant with twins. Lots of them. Mostly they just have an odd texture, but they don't bother me, except for the ones on my upper arms.
5. I love my ears.
6. After being pregnant, my feet hate high heels.
7. Besides stretch marks, I have almost no scars.
8. Rather than self mutilate by cutting, my issues tend to manifest by me biting my lips continuously or scratching my head until I bleed. Incidentally, this can make bathing or washing my hair or eating extremely painful. I've never actually told a professional about these habits. I should probably work on that.


3 facts about my personality

1. I am an introvert. I draw my power from being by myself. I love people and parties and what have you but I am so tired by the end that I generally need time to recharge.
2. I don't deal well with bullshit. I tend to react strongly when I feel people are screwing with me. I can be extremely temperamental.
3. Now that I've said that, though, it has to be said that I will put up with any crazy from my family. My boundaries are terrible when it comes to relations, but I'm working on it.

5 Weird things that I like.

Okay, to clarify, liking anything is weird.

1. Horror anything. Books, movies, video games, art etc. I get so fucking terrified of everything, but I love it anyway.
2. Pita Chips. New York Style. OH MY GAWSH. My favorite snack EVER.
3. Tumblr. I love tumblr. I'm addicted. It is so sad. But I love it. It makes me snort so much.....my computer screen needs to be cleaned....
4. Star wars online game. The reason this is weird is that the movies annoy me SO MUCH. But the game is awesome, I like that I can be bad AND good and LIGHTSABERS! YAY!
5. Feminist websites. This is weird because I was raised a super conservative Catholic Christian. But I love these sites. Feministing, Feministe and Shakesville are my favorite. I check them every day. They are wonderful and fantastic.
and finally a weird one 6. Porn. Let me clarify, there is a shitload of porn I find problematic. And by shitload, I mean nearly all of it. However, I love reading well written erotica (Random literotica stuff, for the win) and I've seen about 10 actual videos that I'm okay with. So there ya go.


I am deeply terrified of spiders, clowns and whales.

My favorite thing to do is a toss up between reading, sex and spending time with my husband.

I don't have a gender preference when it comes to sexual partners. I do prefer to be in a relationship before I do things of a sexual nature

I love being married. There have been some extremely difficult parts and I have no doubt that there are more to come. I've only been married for a year however I've been in a relationship with my person since 2009. We've had more than our fair share of difficulties.

I can see myself going to jail for a multitude of reasons. I assume they would be for self defense.

The curse word I use the most is fuck.

Talk to you guys later.

Love
Hellkitten

Perfection

So I did the wedding thing this last weekend.

I was a bridesmaid. I wore a floor length royal blue dress. The wedding was fantastic. I’m friends with both bride and groom, and so is my husband, who was a groomsman. We had such a good weekend.  I loved every minute of it. I stressed out a bunch, because that’s just who I am, and I have a hard time letting go, but eventually, I just did and it was so fantastic. I got along with all the bridesmaids and all the groomsmen. I definitely felt like the youngest person there, and I was definitely the youngest adult there. I made people laugh. I howled with laughter every time there was a gathering this weekend. I spent hours naked in bed with my husband. I ate some fantastic food. At the wedding, the bride and groom asked me and mike to come sit with them, which made my night just that much fantastic-er. I had several perfect dances with my husband. I found a beer that was actually drinkable.

I calmed down the bride.  I got to hold her dress going up the stairs. I cackled with the groom about damn near everything. I almost tripped over my own dress about 15 times. I got choked up when the bride and groom said their vows. I made some new friends. I did the Macarena. I got very very very tired. I straightened my hair. I got a little annoyed with my husband. I missed my kids. I painted my nails to perfection. I forgot my cowboy boots. I cried on the drive home, not just because my husband pissed me off, but because I was sad to leave. I love the bride and groom. Thinking about this weekend makes me very happy and sad because it was a fantastic weekend and I’m going to miss it. Mostly I’m just glad the bride and groom are moving to my town in about two weeks or so.  

I hate being without either of them for too long. They make me smile.

The End of the End of the World As We Know It

I find myself at a loss for words today. Not that it's hard to talk, because good GOD it would take a catastrophe of Godzilla-size proportions to make me shut the hell up, but I'm just so f*cking pissed at the world, it's kind of ridiculous.

Anyway, the story of last saturday went something like this:

When I move out of my house, I do NOT want to tell my friends that it was because I had to clean my room. Or because I was pissed off at my parents.

Fortunately, I have an incredible person in my life who supports me no matter what I choose to do and parent who talk me out of the craziest shit ever.

So it ended well.

And I'm getting married earlier.

I love all of y'all.