"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Positive Affirmations (?)

Quiet day today
full of minor tummy aches
which is nothing new, sadly
minor aches of the tummy 
alleviated by texts that remind me
that I am someone's friend, that I can
be good and kind and still have boundaries
that temporary loss of faith and outward insanity
does not mean that those who love me have stopped
loving me.

Do not tell me
that the my traumas are not important
that the difficulties of marriage equate the
my ages of 12 through 20
because it insults me
and makes you

I will not go to Mass
for Easter. I will not pretend that
I believe in the rules and destiny a Church
that has no love for my sex and sexuality and
no concept that its hypocrisy alienates more than it binds
and these are not my only problems with it.
And most certainly not the only valid problems with it.

I reject alienation
because I have friends
and loves, even if they are made of mostly past
and slightly present.
I believe that I am loved
that my friends hold my hand as I walk toward cliffs
to slow me down
and that in most cases
being kinder is better.

And I believe wholly in my
autonomy, that my body is my own and no one else's
that I choose the things I do to it and with it
and that my mind and body are capable
of great things, even in the midst of exceptional difficulty.
Whether I lose weight or stay the same,
if I continue to not have tattoos or
cover my body in ink
whether I make cookies or quinoa with my friends
whether I have more children or never again
it is my choice.

I accept that my fears
of sharks, various water-based beings
being rejected, public transit, large crowds,
clowns, and drowning may all be perceived as odd.

And I believe that even if these words
feel choppy and difficult
or even tonight
may be better.

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