Lightning

"I've had lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
all tangled up in you and trying to catch my breath
I've been chasing that sensation halfway 'round the world
and looking back on what we had
And I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feeling like that."

I remember the first time
I heard that song
Gary Allen, you spoke to the bits of
my soul that were still intact.
And once I applied it to a man that
broke all the parts of me at once and a million
times over
because no matter how good the high feels
the come down was always a million times worse
for him.
But whenever I think of him
or he speaks of me
or a photo pops up from facebook or something
I have to remind myself not to say hi
don't look
don't speak
don't touch
and maybe the memories
will fade in time.
They never have.

But even though
there is pain in this song
there were good things
there were pages of letters that
were more like books
and poetry and pens that
made me think of some sort of dreadful
Jane Austen novel.
Oh my gosh
I'm such a fucking elitist
and everyone else is a peasant
and if I happen to become some sort of politician
or person of note
I am so sorry and that was a mean dreadful joke
and you are all lovely and wonderful and I was
just channeling Yyzma from
the Emperor's New Groove.

I always have to remember
to play nice with the other kids
because they are people not playthings
and you shouldn't hurt other people
because it is wrong.

And I've done it all and
I've seen it all
but I can't find a feeling
like that.