"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Weddings and work zombies

"I'm hell on heels
Baby, I'm coming for you."
~Pistol Annies

I am exhausted these days.
A new job, the first time doing night
shifts turns me into a zombie, a tired angry zombie
and my words are coming out slowly and
I have to spell everything twice for it to look
the way I want it to.
The shifts are starting to get easier,
kind of.
Eight hours of running back and forth
and intense cleaning and chemicals
and barking dogs all night
is more than enough to make my ears ring and
my feet ache by the time hour 6 rolls around
but there are sweet sweet dogs that want nothing
more than you to love them
and cats that purr when I walk by them.
I can listen to my music when I work
which helps the time fly and makes me dance
randomly, which I'm sure the security cameras appreciate.
So while I'm desperately tired and not coping quite as well
as I'd hoped with staying up for more than 24 hours at a time
there are animals that need me and coworkers
that seem okay with my personal brand of crazy
which involves never stopping talking
and screaming loudly if I am surprised.

I danced at a wedding reception a few days ago
and it was hilarious and awkward
because I was one of maybe four people at
any given time dancing
and it was a little odd
because I have years and years of seeing these people
as teachers and adults
and now we are relative equals
and they don't remember me as an almost-child
but I remember them as almost-authority figures
and it gets a little strange in my head
but I laughed and met and talked
with truly kind funny women
and an old enemy
who made me laugh hysterically throughout
the entire wedding
and we had to explain to people the nature
of our relationship
which was so many years as hostile
that in the now, when we are friendly,
we still mess with each other
but it is kinder
because we have known each other
and seen each other in ugly ugly places.
Going to a bar with people
feels so odd in my head
like I'm playing grown up
with the real adults.
But they gave me a drink when I ordered one
and only smiled a little
and all the real grown-ups
let me play with them sometimes
so it all works out in the long run.

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