"I didn't know you were gonna be at that bar when I walked in
Til I walked in
I looked up, saw your face, turned around
And I walked back out again
Then I thought there's too much that we shared
So I made myself get ahold of myself
And walked back in
And went right up to you 
I could feel you were caught off gaurd
Neither one of us knew just what to do 
So I said 
How's it been, been a while
Tell me how's your Mama
You said Good, you can sit down if you wanna
I said I was just thinkin bout Oklahoma 
The wild roller coaster ride we had that summer
Before we knew it we were on our 2nd glass of wine
Sittin there talkin just like
we had never said good bye"


Ouch
Clay Walker 

Lightning

"I've had lightning in my veins and thunder in my chest
all tangled up in you and trying to catch my breath
I've been chasing that sensation halfway 'round the world
and looking back on what we had
And I've done it all and I've seen it all
But I can't find a feeling like that."

I remember the first time
I heard that song
Gary Allen, you spoke to the bits of
my soul that were still intact.
And once I applied it to a man that
broke all the parts of me at once and a million
times over
because no matter how good the high feels
the come down was always a million times worse
for him.
But whenever I think of him
or he speaks of me
or a photo pops up from facebook or something
I have to remind myself not to say hi
don't look
don't speak
don't touch
and maybe the memories
will fade in time.
They never have.

But even though
there is pain in this song
there were good things
there were pages of letters that
were more like books
and poetry and pens that
made me think of some sort of dreadful
Jane Austen novel.
Oh my gosh
I'm such a fucking elitist
and everyone else is a peasant
and if I happen to become some sort of politician
or person of note
I am so sorry and that was a mean dreadful joke
and you are all lovely and wonderful and I was
just channeling Yyzma from
the Emperor's New Groove.

I always have to remember
to play nice with the other kids
because they are people not playthings
and you shouldn't hurt other people
because it is wrong.

And I've done it all and
I've seen it all
but I can't find a feeling
like that.

If I die Young

If I die young

someone please delete my browser history
without looking through it.
and maybe after the funeral
because I know how people are
and me saying not to look through it
won't stop anyone and I'd rather not have all
my ugly secrets paraded out until I'm already in
the ground or scattered amidst the roses or water or whatever
because by then, I'll be gone and I won't have to listen
to whatever you will be saying about what horrible things
were on my internet!

Christ, that was incredibly morbid way to start anything.
Thankfully, this day has taken a complete turnaround
and where I was afraid of the ending of it, now I welcome the
progression. It is going to get better- I don't feel very sick.
Life can be hard, but people are willing to help you, to
work with you, to make life just a little less hard so you can
learn effectively and not be a zombiebitch to your family. I really
really appreciate that. Because I want to impress and be my best
and help people back. I just can't do that if I'm destroying ALL of my
support systems in the process. But seriously, kind people allow me to
try to be Superman. And I am so so thankful for that.
Even if my superman is closer to Hellboy.
Full of snark
but loves the animals.
Do-able.
I can do this.
I can play the game and
win it.
And still be me.

Run

Regardless of where I am or what is going on
this song speaks to me. I've heard this song for years and years of 
my life and I could sing them off the top of my head quite easily.
And I will never forget these words.



If there's a plane or a bus leaving Dallas
I hope you're on it
If there's a train moving fast down the tracks
I hope you caught it

Cause I swear out there ain't where you ought to be
So catch a ride, catch a cab
Don't you know I miss you bad
But don't you walk to me

Baby run, cut a path across the blue skies
Straight in a straight line
You can't get here fast enough

Find a truck and fire it up
Lean on the gas and off the clutch
Leave Dallas in the dust
I need you in a rush
So baby run

If you ain't got a suit case
Get a box or an old brown paper sack
And pack it light or pack it heavy
Take a truck, take a Chevy
Baby just come back

There's a shortcut to the highway out of town
Why don't you take it
Don't let that speed limit slow you down
Go on and break it

Baby run, cut a path across the blue skies
Straight in a straight line 
You can't get here fast enough

Find a truck and fire it up
Lean on the gas and off the clutch
Leave Dallas in the dust
I need you in a rush
So baby run

Baby run
Oh baby run
Baby run

So learning to play guitar has been
cathartic.
Difficult, as my fingers go through the bruising
and skin loss and build callouses
but the chords and the notes are sticking in my head
and I am remembering more as I go. I am
able to listen to songs and identify the chords.
Learning how accompany singing is a little harder
simply because it is two different rhythms and getting them both
through my head together well
so I'm sticking to memorizing chords and seeing how they apply to the music
I know really well.


No one has called me about the job yet.
Grr. Argh.

Maybe now I will find a house.

I will sing and keep singing
until I die.
I have always known the words to these songs
telling me to live and love and learn the hard way,
telling me that this love is ours
and that all you are is mean
and that there's gotta be more to life

but also that I am a Man of Constant Sorrow.

My crimes are many and my sins, oh my sins
forgive us, o lord, our many sins
for they were delicious at the time.

"And I know it's long gone
And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to

'Cause there we are again, in the middle of the night
We're dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well

And maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all too well."

~Taylor Swift, All Too Well

So i got the new Taylor Swift Album

which is called Red.

And as usual I got the deluxe edition

and I love it pretty much all over the place

and like I have for the last few albums

I love about half 

and it will take about a month longer

for me to love every song.

For the most part though

I love the songs

they are sad and lovely

and speak to the heart

which is pretty much why I listen to Taylor Swift.

It also makes me melancholy