Fantasies

This is going to be a lot less disturbing then the title implies.

My fantasy currently is just to be in my own place. I want to be in a house or an apartment with my husband and my kids and I. I want there to be a couch that I can let my friends spend the night on, and a room for my kids to play in and a room for me and my husband. I want to get rid of over half the stuff I own so I don't feel so crowded all the time. It doesn't even have to be a house at this point, I just want to be without extra people. I want to have a party in my own place. I want to only be afraid of my kids breaking MY stuff. I only want to be embarrassed by my husband in front of ME, not with his parents involved. I want to be able to invite my mom over.

I want to be able to fuck up my own kitchen. I want to be able to watch TV without worrying about people judging me for watching what I want to watch, with the exception of my husband, because who cares? I want to walk around MY place clothed the way I want to be clothed.

I hate even having hope for this sort of thing. It seems like an impossible dream, like we will never actually get there. I hate living with other people, and it is nothing personal about the people, but I want to stop feeling like I'm just pretending to be an adult.

I am just so tired of all this nonsense.