The Story of not-us

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say they're the lucky ones

I used to know my spot was next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on

Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fallout
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up, I can't break through

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me

I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

Next chapter

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me

I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me

Oh I'm scared to see the ending
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud


Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me

I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side

The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you'd say you'd rather love then fight

So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me

I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
Now, now

And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you
Like it's killing me?

And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
'Cause we're going down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

The end

Fun stuff to do today.

This morning

My love has always been
like gasoline and fire, there's always
pain involved
and generally I try to keep it
where I am the one doing the hurting.
This sounds bad out loud, but to a certain degree
most people would rather perpetually be the bad guy
the perpetually be the bad guys plaything.

In any case, I have built
walls and fences and booby traps
full of razor wire and spears and poison
around the tenderest bits of my heart and soul
because I don't like pain in any form
which is interesting, because I seemingly court it
in all directions.

So why is it, after all of the protection I have
employ and own
that all it takes to hurt me in the morning
is a man
who doesn't seem to care about anything
but where I moved his keys?

Tiny thing that broke my heart

So,
my husband and I fight,
like hard-core fight
maybe once every two weeks or so.
And it can get ugly, but it tends
to resolve itself so we end up letting it go.

But I want to say around a week ago
we got in a fight
and before I explain it to you
here are some facts of life

I hate 3D things. It feels like it is flying at my face.
I hate whales. This stems from a very very young
viewing of Pinnochio and the whale from it (monstro)
in both the disney and the european (?) version
are firmly cemented as things of terror in my mind. I also
hate murky water and sharks.
The Life of Pi commercial has a whale at the end of it. It looks like
it is coming at the screen. It also involves a storm with murky waters.
I've also seen this commercial about 5 to 6 times all the way through.
Also, I feel physically ill when I see whales.
All of these things my husband knows.
Also, we both have 3Ds'. I use mine a lot less than he does.

So, in that light, a week ago, he handed me his 3Ds
and tells me to watch this video, it is really cool!
I get about 15 seconds in only to realize it is the Life of Pi trailer
and I start to get really REALLY pissed. I mean
it isn't like I haven't told him MULTIPLE times
about the paragraph above.
So I shove it back at him, because I don't want to see
this commercial.
He starts yelling at me, saying that the whale is only in
the last 20 seconds.
I started yelling at him, asking him if he's forgotten all my other issues.

This fight ended with him asking me when I could go back to therapy
and then saying he was sorry I had so many issues.

I don't think he has any idea
how long those words have stayed with me this week.
I'm pretty sure that in my mind I'll be hearing those words
for a long time.