Terrified.

“I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand ; the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep; there are no words for that.”

― Brian Andreas, Story People: Selected Stories & Drawings of Brian Andreas

Terrifying moments in my life include
the times I have almost been caught
the times I have been caught,
changing into a leather barbarian outfit
suspecting I was pregnant,
waiting for the test to be done
2 minutes until my life is changed,
one way or another,
when the doctor came in and said
yes you are pregnant
when they said,
oh my gosh
and waited a full damn minute
to tell me it meant twins.
when I had the spinal epidural
and it hurt
but then I couldn't move
when they opened me up on the table
and my chest started to hurt
no one told me what was going on
and I was terrified.
When i first saw my twins
life was changed
radically and terrifying.
and everytime they fall
it scares me
but yesterday
when my husband went to the hospital
because we were afraid it was a stroke
that was terrifying
because I have no idea what
I'd do without him
besides give up.
glad it turned out okay
but still

our date

The date last night
went pretty well
we went to the cheesecake factory
for maybe almost
two hours
It was lovely
we talked
and argued politics
which was not so lovely
but nice to do
in a venue where the people
below us didn't have to listen
and we could talk at a normal rate
and ate cheesecake
and had passion fruit flavored drinks.
and spiked milkshakes.
and talking about nice things
and reminding me
how much I miss it
being just
us
two.


and after,
we held hands and went
to the movies
where we saw
house at the end of the street
which was less horror
and more thriller
and saw trailers for
silent hill
and sinister
and paranormal activity 4
all of which I'd like to see
because being terrified was
much more fun with my best friend

even if just before our date
he scared me so badly
that if I hadn't have
just peed
I would have had to
change my pants
I still haven't forgiven him for that
and I'm still a little afraid to come out
of the bathroom when he's in
the house
but it was hilarious
and awful
and I cried
and he laughed so hard he cried
and then I laughed so hard I cried
and that made it a little better

But we got home around 11
and he tried to sleep
but I wouldn't stop talking
and tackled him a few times
it was fantastic
and then I sort of drifted
and woke up this morning