"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Hello, my faithful followers! While I am quite sure right now that there is only one of you, or possibly two. Probably one. In any case, my apologies for not being as prolific as I usually am. I recieved quite a shock on Wednesday when I went to visit my obi-gyn.

Apparently I am pregnant with twins. Identical ones. This fact blows my mind on a level that I thought could not be overtaken since I discovered I was, in fact, pregnant. My boyfriend and I used to joke about how, once we were married and had were starting to have kids, it would be awesome to have twins, although the probability of that was incredibly small. Or, so it seemed. (insert laughter of the gods here). We would argue about names (because, sorry Mike, NO STAR WARS REFERENCES). However, I now have a tendency to look at the sky and be like "WHAT THE HELL? WE WERE JUST TALKING!" But God has a sense of irony, humor and obviously trusts me with much more than I trust myself. The idea of that scares the crap out of me, but obviously no one was asking MY opinion.

So, twins. The idea of just having a baby at this age (the tender age of 18-19) scares the ever loving crud out of me. I still go to the beach (tempting the flesh eating bacteria) and never have enough money for ANYTHING. I love to read my books and watch Buffy and write angry self-effacing poetry. Just kidding, I gave that up after a crush went horribly wrong freshman year. I think I traded it for ridiculously anti-social hysterical laughter. Another semi-problematic social behavior. I got a text from a friend yesterday that summarizes this "To be honest, this is a huge shock. We're almost the same age, but you're walking into a new stage of life that I'm not going to be ready for for years."

Here's the difference between me and him. I know this isn't the optimum time. But I have to prepare myself anyway. I have to be the best I can be. And while that isn't the easiest thing to do, because, let's face it, this isn't the easiest path I've chosen, but it is the right one. Moving forward rather than burying my head in the sand. Am I scared? Of course I'm fucking scared. Are you kidding? But I know I am capable. I am woman hear me roar! But really, I am a strong, capable woman. I made the choice that led to this. I can handle the rest. And as the same friend pointed out, it won't be just me. I have a feeling that familial involvement in my children was gonna happen regardless of the time period they happened in. It will be more intense, but handling it all by myself would be a lot harder.

Having two babies at once is gonna be....interesting. Helloooo no sleeping! However, I've done it before (little brother) so I know it is doable and I can survive. Also, I'm having these children during the days that (according to the less sane of my friends) I should be out and about partying and drinking and whatnot, and this seems like a semi-healthier alternative. People really do die from going out and doing things like that, but they generally don't from staying up all night with crying babies. And I’ll be able to get school done, at the very minimal least.

I have family and friends who love babies and are dying to help. I just need to live through the pregnancy first. Quite honestly, about 2 weeks ago, I’d have been betting that I wouldn’t. That’s how bad the morning sickness got. All day, every day. And it finally stopped around eleven last night due to some excellent medication. PRAISE JESUS, JOSEPH AND MARY!

I have Rhapsody in Blue stuck in my head. I'm battling it with my Itunes and a sweet silver kitten in my lap who does his best to gnaw on my wrists. The irony of my two nicknames combining in my pet is a silly thing, but it feels like poetic justice to me.

I'm working tonight from 5:30 until midnight. Ouch. Oh well. Money is money. And thankfully, I enjoy this job.

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