"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

Friday, March 19, 2010

Someone told me today that God would give us all we need.

I think I might have forgotten that. In the midst of the last few months, it's been easy to rely on myself, because I thought there was nothing anyone could do, no one who could help me. Against everyones wishes, I've managed to alienate myself amidst my family and friends. These people who love me, who have tried to help me for almost nineteen years, I've let them down. I'm quite confident that several people in my life are convinced I'm a sociopath, due to my lack of emotions.

So, long story cut relatively short. I found out I was pregnant about a month ago, which was enough to blow the roof off quite and then my parents found out today that I dropped out of school this semester. I think I could handle everything if my parents and my friends and my boyfriend were angry at me, or hated me. Rather, they are just dissapointed and in my parents case, convinced that I have no moral code and that I am incapable of anything right and considering me at high risk for suicide. I am so torn about literally everything in my life. And I'm frusterated with being a typical whiny teen on this blog! Hooray for twisted irony.

Each day is a mixed blessing. Babies are a blessing. My health (minus the ridiculous morning sickness) is a blessing. Living in this country is a blessing. In a laughable way, at least I'm not Buffy!

In any case, I'm lost and feeling lonely and all I need is some rain and possibly some alcohol in order for this to be a country song. My parents keep telling me I've chosen my path. Well, I'm not done choosing yet. I got a job today. I've had jobs for the past 3 years, but I've been needing one lately so that will help, and my future (meaning, ojala, tomorrow) boss seemed to hear some of the desperation and understand. I will be working with children (:)) The stars remain in the sky and the future will come one day at a time, thank God.

First post win. Life fail though. O well. It goes on. And so will I.

1 comment:

  1. you will be fine love. You are a very strong person, and you will pull through. I will be there with you every step of the way.