Painful memories tonight

Because I hate everything and

everyone. Which is another way

of saying how isolated I feel currently.

I remember sitting

on a couch after someone left

multiple times for days

because the couch still smelled like

him after he left. It lasted for months

and kept me together

like glue.

I remember the coach hitting on me

And trying to figure out

Are you a student?

Is this allowed?

What?

I remember that he used to complain to me

About my lack of communication skills

Which retrospectively feels hilarious

Because I never. Stop. Talking.

Really.

I remember him sleeping with someone

The same day we broke up

And how I know this?

Because the next day I called him

To try and get back together

That was a weird feeling.

I remember wanting someone so badly

It hurt when I couldn’t have them

But theoretically, I could have.

I still to this day

Have no idea

Why I said no

Finally

If I just got tired

Or if I never truly believed in us to begin with.