Painful memories tonight
Because I hate everything and
everyone. Which is another way
of saying how isolated I feel currently.
I remember sitting
on a couch after someone left
multiple times for days
because the couch still smelled like
him after he left. It lasted for months
and kept me together
I remember the coach hitting on me
And trying to figure out
Are you a student?
Is this allowed?
I remember that he used to complain to me
About my lack of communication skills
Which retrospectively feels hilarious
Because I never. Stop. Talking.
I remember him sleeping with someone
The same day we broke up
And how I know this?
Because the next day I called him
To try and get back together
That was a weird feeling.
I remember wanting someone so badly
It hurt when I couldn’t have them
But theoretically, I could have.
I still to this day
Have no idea
Why I said no
If I just got tired
Or if I never truly believed in us to begin with.