"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

Friday, December 14, 2012

I wrote this today.

" One of my favorite days was a December day
 where I went and played paintball all day.
 It was crisp and cool and all of my friends
 were there and we were all disgusting and
muddy and at one point, my gun clogged so
 I was running around throwing paint balls at people,
 but it was just so lovely. Afterwards, thirty of us went
 back to the house and ordered pizza. Everyone had
 stripped down but we were all so tired, and beat up
 (paintball can cause HUGE bruising), it didn't matter.
 We all laid down on the floor and ate pizza and watched
 movies. I loved how I felt like I belonged. Moments like that
 stick in my head and I love them. It was three years ago.
I long for a day like that. Maybe next year. Maybe I'll
try that for my birthday. "

I love how this came out.
This is truth.
That day was cold and crispy.
I rode in my then future brother-in-law's
new truck.
I wore combat boots and army issued
camouflage pants.
My husband refuses to believe it
but he is a leader and I saw it that day. He
shows it in a hundred tiny ways during our normal
boring life
 but I saw it so clearly that day
and I wondered for a brief moment
if I was holding him back.

I saw a clear vision of a possible future
that day
and it made me aspire to be like that possible future him
even if that future wasn't mine.

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