Painful Eyes

To remember on days where
things hurt too damn much
and the drugs are wrong
or they don't worth and
the anxiety ramps up because
no money and scary doctors.

There are good things.

I get kisses all day every day.
the hope of future pets.
friends I can call and laugh with.
Red sheets and blankets.
watching iron man.
Hot tea.
sex.
introducing Sherlock to a new person.
jimmy johns and the hilarity that goes with it.
Eating soup with friends.
cigar with your brother.
the feeling of reality correcting itself.
my kindle and all of the books
kitchen dance parties.
text from last night
good stories
finding out you have a million things in common with someone you are just getting to know.
tumblr funnies
good quotes
fresh water
a good backrub
ambien
howling out songs
hearing someone say i love you
lying on the ground talking to my friends

A Tragic Fairy Tale

Once upon a time
there was a pretty girl
who watched a young man while
they were in school together.
They were in Pre-calculus
and she sat next to him every day.

And since she had been mean and hateful
to him every day for the last two years,
he spent at least two months doing his best
to put her down and be mean to her
which was easy
because she was terrible at math
and he was fantastic at it.

But one day, she looked at him
and saw a person in pain
and he looked at her
and saw a person instead of an annoying
angry something or another
and they became almost-friends.
This was one of the only classes she had with him
because he got good grades
and she did not.

So they became friends and
baited each other and shoved each other
and he noticed when she failed every test
and she noticed when he spent all of class
playing on the calculator.

One day, she asked him if he'd ever been kissed
and he beat around the bush for a few days
while they talked and messed with each other
but at the end of the week
he caught her in a corner and pushed her up against a wall
and kissed her.

That was his first kiss.

That was how their story began.

They were not kind to each other at first.
They hurt each other and told each other
about the people they liked and the fun they'd have
over summer and how much their parents would hate
each other.

But eventually, gradually,
she fell for him
and he for her.
And the whole school was scornful
but generally not surprised, because isn't it always
everyone else who notices these things?

The halcyon days were there for a while
Life was relatively good
and they worked and played well together
which was surprising, given practically everything about them.

But one day she decided he wasn't good enough
or that she wasn't good enough
and decided to go.
And she not only broke it off with him
but she lost her best friend
because she chose to.
She broke him.


The end.

while on our date

While on our date
he said something
that made me think
I told him that I was
afraid to post things that
I like
things that I believe
on public venues
like facebook
because what if she saw?
what if her friends saw?
what if someone saw
and said
that girl
she isn't catholic any more
she is pro choice
she is agnostic
she might be a witch
she is bisexual
she is
she is
she is

What would happen then?
What would happen?
what would-

Wait
he said



People who hate others
because of who they are
or what they believe
are stupid
personal belief
not inflicted, but internal
should have nothing to do
with whether or not
they still love you
because regardless of your
past lovers, current beliefs,
love is love
and she would be the asshole
for not loving you


and he took my hand and said
remember that I love you
not in spite of
but because of
all of you


and then we went back to eating
buffalo wing samosas
dipped in ranch
burning hot
and drinking drinks
and talking politics
and at one point,
I asked the waitress
if she would mind
if I stabbed him in the leg
with a fork
and we all laughed


but I won't forget
what you told me
because even if our kisses aren't
perfectly romantic
and even if you fart in
the bed
you love me
because of
and not in spite of
me