"Oh Mary, you're covered in roses
You're covered in ashes
you're covered in rain
You're covered in babies
covered in slashes."
~Mary by Patty Griffin


Things I want more

my friend cat Noah to come home
even if I can't have him
my own cat to love
the ability to catnap
literally
with a cat
and lots of purrs
to show my children what it is like to have an animal
meow until you pet it
and purr like a boat when you do.
To share a cold coke with a chris
to remember what it's like to be fearless
for a little while.
I'd like my phone case
which is purple (unintentional) and covered in octopus (intentional)
I want my own kitchen and my own christmas tree
and I want to have a housewarming party and
decorate my own place.

I want my head to stop hurting so much so consistently
and I want it quieter
I want to be able to bake fresh bread
as much as I want
and I want it to smell the way I like it

my love, a love story

I fell in love with him
the day we went to Target
and sat down in starbucks
and talked over coffee
which he then told me
he didn't like.

I listened to him tell me
about his life
and slowly plucked
the hairs on his arm
an uncalculated move
and not something I remember
deciding to do
it was around that time
I fell in love
because he bought me coffee
and held my hand
and was kind.


Or maybe it was our first kiss
after the Christmas Eve mass
my arm was broken
and I wore a purple dress
that clashed with my red cast
but I felt radiant
and my parents took
a picture of us in front
of the poinsettias.
and we were both young
and thin
and happy
for that four weeks
but that first kiss
my first kiss
with a man with a beard
it was different
than any I'd had before
"kiss me now"
in a pew at the church
after mass
I felt myself start to fall.
too bad that things that fall
get broken.

and four weeks later
he came over
and told me
I love her
and I kissed her
and I'm sorry.
and he cried
and I cried
and we spent the rest of the weekend together
I cried a lot
and we watched stupid movies
and on sunday
he dropped me off at my house
for the last time
I told him not to contact me
until I contacted him
and he drove away
and I didn't go to school for two days after
because everything hurt too much

but he didn't contact me
like I asked
and I hurt
and hurt
and hurt
and hurt
but because it was my senior year
I eventually let go
and graduated
and partied
and played
and then it was june
and things changed again.

I'm Baaaack

Hello-

Hellkitten here.

Back to the writing. As it turns out, for the most part, tumblr is NOT a place I would use for a personal blog. It is fun to see all the cool stuffs and whatnot, but those are glimpses into what I like, not specific things about how I'm feeling. So I'm back. To write at least. If you want to creep on my tumblr, definitely no problem here. Expect lots of buffy, feminist stuff, Avengers.

www.hellkittensbooks.blogspot.com

Here's hoping someone can use my reviews of books and whatnot. Not like the internet doesn't contain enough critics.....

Anyway, several things about how or what I'm doing


My kids are two this month. Eeep! They are ridiculously sweet and very stubborn. They like cats and dogs and they LOVE cars. They won't say please but they will say 'thank you.' They give hugs and kisses. Today when they heard me sing, they stopped playing and stared at me. It was pretty cute! They give me a great deal of anxiety, but that is not really their fault. It is more because there is two of them and the situation and the fact that I can't babyproof worth a shit. Also, I'm not in my own house. Or apartment.

Speaking of which, another thing. I'm living with the in-laws. Shockingly, there's been almost no conflict. I've enjoyed myself a good deal. I really really need to get another place. My sanity is heading in a downward spiral. I miss having my own place. Hopefully, we are heading out soon.

Been reading voraciously recently. Hence the blog about the books.

I've recently begun posting on a feminist website. I won't tell you which, because I'm just commenting, but still, it's nice being a part of a community that doesn't constantly insult you, trigger you, or just generally be an asshole.

My hair is reddish.

This is a much shorter post then I originally meant it to be. More to come.


Hellkitten