things I don't say

I wish I could say
what is going on through
my head all day
my thoughts are terrible
a lot of the time
I am angry
or cold
or hot
or annoyed
or tired
all of these are not good
per se
but not bad either
just on the darker end
of my spectrum.

I like to read
dark and horrible things
more than I like to read
 the light and funny
of my youth
it just isn't fun any more
I prefer my darkness
with spatterings of light
but mostly darkness
my ability to watch dark things
however
has limits.
who knew
but the dark movies
still terrify me
I know some pictures
will never come out of my head
so I stay away
to stay safe
what is in my head
is scarier anyway.

my arms are my enemy
they have gotten better
and after having children
the skin feels all
odd
maybe it is still leftover
from the allergic reaction
i had
to demerol
ouch
and yuck

spongebob makes me
feel so crazy
dora the explorer
and diego
and team umi zumi
GET OFF MY TV
 you are driving me
up a wall
and down the other side
quality tv includes
quality voices

sometimes
hellkitten speaks in
third person
which seems silly
but she gets the point
and it makes her feel pretty good
and funny
so there you go


and then a date
with my husband
we can't agree on anything
the movie
or where to eat
WHY EVEN BOTHER
Why not just stay home and
watch battlestar galactica
if i can't make a suggestion
and we can't agree on anything
and I don't even want to
put on a bra.

so frustrated

I'm Baaaack

Hello-

Hellkitten here.

Back to the writing. As it turns out, for the most part, tumblr is NOT a place I would use for a personal blog. It is fun to see all the cool stuffs and whatnot, but those are glimpses into what I like, not specific things about how I'm feeling. So I'm back. To write at least. If you want to creep on my tumblr, definitely no problem here. Expect lots of buffy, feminist stuff, Avengers.

www.hellkittensbooks.blogspot.com

Here's hoping someone can use my reviews of books and whatnot. Not like the internet doesn't contain enough critics.....

Anyway, several things about how or what I'm doing


My kids are two this month. Eeep! They are ridiculously sweet and very stubborn. They like cats and dogs and they LOVE cars. They won't say please but they will say 'thank you.' They give hugs and kisses. Today when they heard me sing, they stopped playing and stared at me. It was pretty cute! They give me a great deal of anxiety, but that is not really their fault. It is more because there is two of them and the situation and the fact that I can't babyproof worth a shit. Also, I'm not in my own house. Or apartment.

Speaking of which, another thing. I'm living with the in-laws. Shockingly, there's been almost no conflict. I've enjoyed myself a good deal. I really really need to get another place. My sanity is heading in a downward spiral. I miss having my own place. Hopefully, we are heading out soon.

Been reading voraciously recently. Hence the blog about the books.

I've recently begun posting on a feminist website. I won't tell you which, because I'm just commenting, but still, it's nice being a part of a community that doesn't constantly insult you, trigger you, or just generally be an asshole.

My hair is reddish.

This is a much shorter post then I originally meant it to be. More to come.


Hellkitten