This is odd, and i forgot to post it yesterday

Sometimes
I feel my life smoothing
into what could be called
a deeply pleasant routine
and I try my best to try to retain
the bits I really like but the next week
swings around and I can't retain it all so
I just try to make the next week as pleasant
as possible, since most happiness seems transient
anyway.

One of the things
I look forward to
is being able to have my
piano in a room I can access.
I'm still incredibly basic as far
as playing guitar goes, and it is frustrating
and I'd like to be able to quickly practice and
get the music out of my head on an instrument that I
don't really have to think about, but comes rather easily
after years and years of practice. Or maybe it's just so I can
play Pianoman to myself.
What a pity I cannot waltz
and play the piano at the same time.

In the most recent episode of Game of Thrones
which I have not fully caught up on, don't judge
don't tell
there was a moment where my breath caught in my throat
and all I could do was stand from my seat and watch.
And last night
my mother in law asked me
did you see it?
And we spent the next twenty minutes
screeching over that one scene
because of the pride we felt
it makes me laugh
not in an antagonistic way
but rather that the feelings of
primal kinship come out
when one is screaming about dragons
and fire
and how women are meant to rule
and I enjoy how it turns to serious discussions
of inequality in the real world
but first
we give out primal screams
about dragons.

Falling

Stop releasing singles
before your new album
Taylor Swift
Or I will just buy them all
and then I'll have to buy
the CD as well
monetarily, this could get
problematic
and also my children
are starting to scream when I play
you
because I am playing it too much
Thanks for that Taylor
PS. Your music is fantastic
and is getting better

I've managed to avoid Chick fil a
since the whole debacle
I love the chicken
but fuck it
I will not support
your shitty so called
biblical family values
when you have obviously  never
read the bible.

Learning the music for choir
has been lovely
My piano is in storage
and I can't learn it near
as fast as I could
if I had something to practice on
ugh
but the music is so pretty
must practice
if only my laptop could pretend it was
a piano
which it can't
I'm sure there's programs for this somewhere

my kids love to run
around naked
not really naked
but relatively speaking
which can be alternately
annoying and hilarious
and tiresome
and sometimes they
run up to me and chastise
me in their own language
which does occasionally make me
feel kind of bad
but mostly I just
find it funny
because they do it to anyone
and everyone they can
They are totally related
to me.
Oh dear

sometimes I wonder if I
am speaking in abstract terms
or a different language
because my husband
or my dad
or other people
don't seem to hear me when I speak
or they don't react, they
just keep going and going
and I am not really sure
whether it is my fault.

I asked if my husband was reading
this and he said yes I read it last night.
and then I said, what do you think?
and he said, about what?

Just
like
that.


Seriously?
Seriously!


Sigh
how is that a hard question
how are we grown ups already?
how can I be more grown up?
why can't jobs just come more easily?
everything is so hard
and I know I'm not the only person
who feels this way
but I also feel so silly for
complaining about stuff
that people totally have worse

but I'm still real
still here
and my problems are still real