It is Friday morning and it has been a LONG week what with being sick and trying to organize my kids' second birthday stuff. No one has been particularly helpful or even very specific about the things they want to do, with the exception of my parents. I get annoyed because my parents always want to have things about a month in advance, which can be extremely annoying, but it is pretty annoying that I can't get a straight answer the freaking DAY before a birthday. Two birthdays.

All my husband and I can do is scream at each other. He blames me for all his issues. We were both crying last night. I just can't be everyone's comforter. I can't even comfort myself appropriately so why am I expected to do that for two kids and my husband on top of it?

I need to clean. I need to get my kids upstairs so I can at least try. I'd also like to get some of the garbage out. I am just hating everything currently.

Who wears short shorts?

Yesterday was utterly tiring. My kids are extremely needy these days. Duh, Hellkitten, they are TWO YEARS OLD! But there are two of them. Meep. The days so far have been long and hard. And there was a spider downstairs today. It was HORRIFYING.

So I took the kids and ran upstairs. I've been forgetting that they need dinner, but I've given them cookies. What is wrong with me? Why can't I remember the simple, stupid things? Why is it so hard to keep patient when them being snarky isn't always their fault? Why can't I try to be more patient, more kind, more attentive and less angry, snarky and so.fucking.tired all the damn time?

I feel like such a bad parent. I'm trying to keep my head above water and they still love me and hug me and kiss me, even when I'm feeling bad, even to the point where I have to smile when I see them.

I wish I could cook more. I wish I felt like I had some right to live here, some way that the kitchen is mine. I wish I haven't been walking on eggshells for 11 or more years of my life, it is so tiring and I am so very, very tired. I wish I felt good enough. I wish I didn't feel so needed and so isolated at the same damn time.

I'm just watching Grey's Anatomy and feeling ambivalent. And cruddy. And in need of something that I can't quite name.

"Nobody knows where they might end up, nobody knows! Oh, oh, suppose you'll never know....."

Love
Hellkitten

Shit I don't Say to My Parents

Planned Parenthood isn't bad.

Chick-fil-a can kiss my ass.

I am only going back to church to sing. That is it.

The Bible is truly the most awful book I've ever had the misfortune of reading multiple times. Regardless of how prosaically pretty you may find it (and let it be known, I find much of it pretty and I can probably quote much more of it than you), 90% of it is a terrible life manual.  Please keep this in mind while you are trying to shove various parts of this book down my throat like a giant di- er, hot dog.

As far as the Bible goes, there is some pretty extreme context that neither of you know. Also, most translations are someone ELSE'S idea of what should be being said.

Just because you taught them to me, does not mean that YOUR ideas are automatically correct or that I will be adding them to my family teachings.

Getting older does NOT mean that you automatically turn into an asshole, a conservative, more religious, a better person or even necessarily smarter. It just means you got older. Every one does. What else you become is up to you.

Saying racist things is NOT funny. It is embarrassing and annoying. And you manage to alienate me, because by saying anything to you, I'll be the bad one. Also, you are teaching my brother stuff that will get his ass beat.

Credit cards are not evil.

It is possible to drink responsibly. Stop assuming that I don't know how to, just because your version of teaching me responsibility with alcohol was "LALALALALA DON'T DO IT LALALALLA".

I love my reddish hair.

If he goes into any sort of martial arts, I am giving up that babysitting job.

Buying me dieter's tea and underwear too small is NOT nice. It's an asshole thing to do. You aren't helping.

My body is great the way it is. Seriously.

The devil did not do it. I did it. You did it. Personal responsibility.

If the cops said "But he's a really nice kid," both you and the cop are missing the point. If the cops are there, YOU HAVE JUST NEGATED YOUR OWN DAMN POINT.

If he's already somewhat violent, me leaving books around will not make him MORE violent.

Stop assuming you are right about everything.

If I've told you I deeply dislike a person, why are you trying to force me to spend time with them? What does that accomplish? Especially when I specifically don't do that to you!

If you have to say "But it was just a joke!", chances are I'm not taking it like one. Get ready.

These life lessons (and others that I'm sure will be forthcoming) have been brought to you by me. Learn them, live them. I don't care if you love them or not.

Love,
Hellkitten