"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

Monday, April 4, 2011

Day 5- Suicide

Day 5- A Time I thought About Ending My Own Life

Huh. Well, that's a personal and awkward question. I honestly have to think about it, because depression is sort of constant at this point. Even with the awesomeness thats going on right now. It has a lot to do with the post pregnancy hormones (fuck my life) and my blinding hatred of my body (kind of a temporary on and off thing).

There was a brief time where I considered it. Or rather, times. Every time I got caught with a certain someone, I considered ending it in different ways. I could have literally done it or I could have run away from that life. I don't regret the choices I made.

The only other time I truly considered it was when I found out I was pregnant. The terror was so visceral, that I thought I was done. Obviously I'm still here. I have a picture of the sky that day. It was terribly lonely, but exceptionally peaceful. I believe that I made the right choice that day too.

In all honesty, I don't believe suicide is a viable way to die. Life can be a terrible, terrible place but the wheel turns and the pendulum swings, so please don't end it.

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