"You can't take a picture of this. It's already gone."

Monday, April 11, 2011

Pain and Anguish

So, I'm going through the loads of papers that I kept writing throughout high school. I have an extensively detailed diary that I've kept since 2007. So why the hell are significant names missing? The boyfriend before my current fiance isn't mentioned at all. All I can find of my first love are literally quotes I've written down. They take up pages and pages of journal, so why in the name of GOD didn't I detail it like I remember.

So I'm searching through my computer looking for all the correspondence that I've had with these people, and all this stuff pops up. Rereading it is painful but hilarious at the same time. There is so much energy in these words. There's tons of emotions in all of this writing and I find it incomprehensible that at one point I literally couldn't numb myself to all of this. The writing is incredibly extensive and painfully truthful, but at the same time we protected ourselves so fiercely. Honesty tempered with fear.

"You take care of everyone and keep everybody sane"

The word memorize pains me.

I'm not sure if thats how love is supposed to be. These days, it's a lot less dramatic, thankfully.
In any case, I've been feeling horribly melancholy today. Hence the pain and anguish. You may all carry on with your lives now!

1 comment:

  1. I used to keep journals with tons of stuff like this...I decided that once I got married, I'd just destroy them. I regret that now, of course, since my memory is downright scary with the stuff it forgets! LOL But I do remember the angst and the melancholy, so I feel your pain! =)